Reykjavík Grapevine - 09.03.2007, Blaðsíða 8

1_REYKJAVÍK_GRAPEVINE_ISSUE 03_007_QUIZ/TOURISM
1. Which of the following lyric-snippets do
you most identify with?
a) ‘Tschíúúíúú, wúúú, tsjíúhíu, sæææææ-
ljóóóón’
b) ‘Coca-loca dancing like a maniac. Coca-
loca dancing in the dance-room.’
c) ‘Emotional landscapes, they puzzle me
– confuse.’
d) I identify with mountains, not lyrics.
2. What is your favourite nature reserve?
a) The Hornstrandir Nature Reserve.
b) The Human Nature Reserve.
c) Will there be girls there?
d) I never reserve. I just show up and get a table.
3. Whilst travelling the Ring Road, you hap-
pen to hit one of those infamous jaywalking
sheep. Your next step would be to…
a) Drag the carcass into nature and perform
a small ritual before respectfully burying it.
b) B-B-Q!
c) String it upside down in a small gallery.
d) Hitchhikers don’t hit sheep, and neither
do mountain-bikers.
4. Which of the following entities would you
prefer to blow up?
a) The Kárahnjúkar Dam. And those Alcoa
Bastards.
b) The remaining copies of my pre-fame
B-class porn movie.
c) Fireworks!
d) I would like to blow up a balloon and
bounce it around somewhere in nature,
preferably while naked.
5. Pick a hair-care product:
a) Shockwaves Xtrovert Styling Steel
b) ZIRH Crisp Powder Sticking Agent.
c) Those miniature packets of shampoo and
conditioner you get at a hotel. They’re free,
you know.
d) Some honey.
6. Pick an event:
a) Iceland Airwaves.
b) The ‘SnowGathering 2007’ int’l Pornog-
raphers Conference.
c) The Hafnarfjörður Viking Festival.
d) International Food and Fun.
7. Which of the following ‘Icelandic icons’
are you most familiar with?
a) Björk Guðmundsdóttir, pop singer/com-
poser.
b) Ólafur Ragnar Grimsson, the president of
Iceland.
c) Hófí Karlsdóttir, Miss World 1985.
d) Those retarded kids from the Sigur Rós
videos.
8. Your stance on whaling?
a) Whales are for watching. And petting.
b) Reinstating whaling is typical for these
capitalist bastards who are intent on spoil-
ing Iceland’s niche as an unspoiled haven,
the last bastion of unspoiled nature in
Europe, etc., etc.
c) Do whales make for good sushi?
d) Hehe… Free Willy! Hehehe.
9. You feel most at home:
a) I do not subscribe to the capitalist-en-
forced/endorsed concept of ‘home’.
b) When surrounded by mirrors, girls and
shiny metal poles.
c) Amidst majestic mountains, glacial land-
scapes, rivers, trees, elves, etc.
d) Jumping the queue at some trendmaster
bar or club. People know me, you know.
10. Whilst browsing the Mál & Menning
bookstore, you realize you need something
to read on your way home. Which of the
following books is most likely to wind up in
your carry-on bag:
a) Nonni Und Manni: Die Nåchste Genera-
tion.
b) Carry-on bags are so mid-90s.
c) The FHM Guide To Semi-Nude Girls, Elec-
tronic Gadgets And Shit That Explodes.
d) Exploring Vegan Cooking With Sigur Rós
& Friends.
11. Pick a drink:
a) Organic Cruelty-Free Fair Trade Whey
Chai Soy Latte.
b) Beer!
c) Pure, glacier-strained, Icelandic Wasser.
d) My favourite drink hasn’t been invented.
12. Your preferred daytrip out of Reykjavík:
a) The Golden Circle.
b) A spray-paint and explosive-laced trip to
the Alcan aluminium factory in Hafnarfjörður.
That’ll show those nature-killing bastards.
c) The Goldfinger Strip Club. That’s in Kópa-
vogur, right?
d) Do I absolutely have to? I’d really rather
not leave the 101 area.
13. Icelandic women are…
a) Allowed to vote since 1915.
b) The most beautiful in the world.
c) The most beautiful sluts in the world.
d) Elfin.
14. Your preferred wardrobe:
a) Anything Gore-Tex, some wool, fleece,
etc.
b) A baseball cap. Some jeans. My leather
jacket.
c) Baggy hand-knit woollen sweaters and
pantaloons.
d) A weird hoodie and some skinny-jeans.
‘Till May, at least.
15. Finally, why are you here?
a) To experience the unspoiled nature and
landscapes that inspired the ethereal sounds
of múm, AmiinA and Sigur Rós. I might also
try and stalk the latter’s studio for a couple
of weeks.
b) To get laid. Don’t tell anyone I said that.
c) I’ve heard it’s a place to be. I also have
some real edgy art/ music/ fashion acces-
sories/ writing/ etc. that would really benefit
from less competition with my peers. There
are only 300,000 of you, right?
d) To bathe naked in natural hot springs.
And steal some butter.
What Kind of Tourist are You? Text by Haukur Magnússon Photos by Skari
Key to calculating your score: 1. a) 2 b) 4 c) 3 d) 1 2. a) 1 b) 2 c) 4 d) 3 3. a) 2 b) 4 c) 3 d) 1 4. a) 2 b) 3 c) 4 d) 1 5. a) 4 b) 3 c) 1 d) 2 6.a) 3 b) 4 c) 1 d) 2 7. a) 3 b) 1 c) 4 d) 2
8. a) 1 b) 2 c) 3 d) 4 9. a) 2 b) 4 c) 1 d) 3 10. a) 1 b) 3 c) 4 d) 2 11. a) 2 b) 4 c) 1 d) 3 12. a) 1 b) 2 c) 4 d) 3 13. a) 1 b) 3 c) 4 d) 2 14. a) 1 b) 4 c) 2 d) 3 15. a) 2 b) 4 c) 3 d) 1
The Classic Tourist/ Nature Fetishist
You fall into the ‘classic’ category of Iceland’s
tourist friends. Here since long before Björk
sang her first notes and Reykjavík was any
kind of attraction (or even had a café), your
kind has been cavorting in Iceland’s hills,
small towns and public pools longer than
most. Often operating on a budget, you may
often be found hitch-hiking your way around
the country, climbing mountains, sleeping in
emergency shelters or sneaking single-serve
packets of butter into your pockets at break-
fast buffets. You are most easily recognised
by your brightly coloured all-weather ap-
parel.
The Eurohippie!
A somewhat modernised version of the na-
ture fetishist, the Eurohippie started rearing
his dreadlocked head in Iceland sometime
during the mid-nineties. The recent Kárahn-
júkar Dam dispute / Sigur Rós free concert
series accounts for a massive surge in their
numbers lately, along with increased tofu-
sales. If the numbers place you in this group
(and magazine lifestyle quizzes never lie),
chances are that you’ve studied liberal arts,
experimented with various mind-altering
substances and ideologies, and enjoy con-
spiracy theories and acting as a conscience
for the rest of us. You are most often recog-
nisable by a weird hairstyle, earth-tone cloth-
ing and some facial hair.
The Trendy Tourist!
Congratulations! You are the trendy tourist
type traveller, and thus probably the latest
addition to Iceland’s foreigner fauna. And
a true pioneer! You may have some ties to
Iceland’s music, fashion or arts scenes, and
were most likely inspired to come here by
someone you met in Berlin or New York (or
an article in one of those magazines that
have almost no words in them). You count
Björk among your icons, but you also enjoy
several obscure things that are guaranteed to
be all the rage shortly (at which point you will
abandon them). Your feelings about Reykja-
vík (101 Reykjavík) will be mixed, although
you will most likely enjoy the opportunities
for social climbing and to be instantly noto-
rious in the 300-person scene (which may
even prompt you to immigrate). You are eas-
ily recognised, as you look, talk, sound and
smell like next month is already here.
The Dirty Weekender!
God. Then there’s you. You are likely a de-
cent, hard working fellow lured to Iceland by
Reykjavík’s party-hard notoriety and some
Tarantino/tourist board fuelled misconcep-
tions about the nature of Icelandic nightlife
and its female participants. Most often seen
in groups, you will be drunk by 7pm, walking
down Laugavegur wearing a Viking helmet
by 9pm, kinda let down by constant refusals
by midnight and a patron of one of the city’s
strip-clubs by 2am (at which point you will
be too intoxicated to notice that the Icelandic
females you’re supposedly associating with
all have thick Eastern-European accents). If
not staggering through downtown Reykjavík
with a Viking helmet on, you can be recog-
nised by an expensive watch and baseball-
cap combo that nicely accents your leather-
jacketed mid-life crisis.
It is sometimes said that the final and most telltale sign of a formerly ambitious and radical
magazine’s complete and utter journalistic bankruptcy, is when its pages start filling with
mind-numbing personality quizzes. Keeping in with that spirit, the Reykjavík Grapevine
would now like to present to you, loyal reader, with our contribution to reinforcing the use-
less, b/w mode of thought which claims that people can easily be categorised and divided
into small groups of stereotypes. Enjoy!
15-24 25-36 37-50 50+
Thanks to Elvis, Klapparstígur 25; Spúútnik, Laugavegur 20b; Cintamani, Laugavegur 11; Naked Ape, Bankastræti 14; for supplying clothes.
KVIKMYNDAKLÚBBURINN FJALAKÖTTURINN
TJARNARBÍÓI
Á SUNNUDÖGUM
& MÁNUDÖGUM
HEFUR SÝNINGAR Í
SKRÁNING HAFIN Á
FILMFEST.IS
VORDAGSKRÁ FJALAKATTARINS
JAMES DEAN
ÞRIGGJA GLJÚFRA STÍFLAN
RÚSSLAND FYRR OG NÚ
JAPÖNSK ERÓTÍK
NÝJAR ÞÝSKAR
ASTRID LINDGREN
POURQUOI PAS?
FRÖNSK KVIKMYNDAGERÐ
Glitnir er bakhjarl
Óperustúdíós
Íslensku óperunnar
Gianni Schicchi og Suor Angelica
eftir Giacomo Puccini
Einsöngvarar og hljóðfæraleikarar
eru nemendur í tónlistarskólum
á höfuðborgarsvæðinu
Hljómsveitarstjóri: Daníel Bjarnason
Leikstjóri: Ingólfur Níels Árnason
Leikmynd og búningar:
Hlín Gunnarsdóttir
Ljósahönnuður:
Jóhann Bjarni Pálmason
Sýningardagar:
21. mars kl. 20– frumsýning
25. mars kl. 17 – 2. sýning
27. mars kl. 20 – 3. sýning
29. mars kl. 20 – 4. sýning
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