Reykjavík Grapevine - 09.04.2010, Side 4

Say your piece, voice your opinion,
send your letters to:
letters@grapevine.is
4
Letters
Sour grapes
and stuff
Reykjavík
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MOST AWESOME LETTER:
This is Zakarías from Caterpillarmen writing. we released our debut, adopt a monkey, last
year. it sounded bad, but there is more to the story than those three words.
when we got the offer from brak records to distribute it, Baldvin Esra apparently didn't
think it sounded well enough. he wanted a third party to remaster it...I suppose in an effort to
make it "marketable" or "competitive" or whatever. typical loudness wars vomit.
at this time we had spent a lot of time and hard work to make it sound as good as possible.
he told me about his plans, and because I didn't tell him, "don't you fucking dare ruin our
fucking record by paying some jackass to f loor a compressor", he went ahead and did exactly
that.
It's all my fault. I didn't have the guts to stand up to mr. label man.
that is not to say that I have anything against Baldvin, or what's-his-name. it is only to say
that they don't know what sounds good.
we have never earned one króna. I don't know if what's-his-name got paid, but if he did get
paid, even the measliest sum, then he got paid more than we have ever gotten paid to sit down
and take a shit on our hard work. ironic? that's the word, right?
anyway, I feel I have made my point.
the original masters you can find in my dropbox, http://bit.ly/CATRPLR, the way the re-
cord was supposed to sound.
Dear Zakarías or whatever you’re called,
thank you for your letter. While we don’t know what went between you and your label man
and your compressing agent, we do know that unleashing a work of art to the world is a compli-
cated, nerve-wracking and often difficult task. Doubly so if it’s your virgin offering.
Talking about this all after the fact is doubly hard.
Then giving the results of all your strife away for free on the letters page of a free magazine,
well, that’s pretty amazing.
So you won AWESOME LETTER T-shirt extravaganza. Readers: go check out Caterpillar-
men’s album, the way they wanted it to sound. Zakarías: never again allow a record you haven’t
heard to go to print with your name on it.
Learning Icelandic
Bob Cluness didn’t mention in his letter
where he has studied Icelandic and that surely
makes a difference. Friends who took courses
at a private school were shocked by the blatant
incompetence of some of the teachers, and al-
though I have been generally pleased with my
Icelandic for Foreign Students studies at the
University of Iceland, the program certainly
could be improved.
There is an unfortunate attitude among
many foreigners I meet that one learns Icelan-
dic by being taught it, by sitting in a classroom
and listening to teachers. I know people who
have lived here for years and absolutely refuse
to buy a dictionary. Who never go to Icelandic
films or plays because “I wouldn’t understand
it.” Who have never read an Icelandic book,
even in translation. Who only attend English-
language church services. Who have lived here
for a long time and have visited fewer cultural
institutions – the National Museum, Culture
House, the art galleries – than the average tour-
ist sees in a few days. Who would rather watch
American television than expose themselves to
the many – often free – public events where they
might learn something about Icelandic society
and pick up some Icelandic. People who ask,
“Where’s that?” when I mention a free concert
at the Ráðhús or Dómkirkja.
Icelandic is difficult, but English must be
too for someone moving to America from Asia
or Africa. One’s attitude to language learning,
as with anything else, makes all the difference.
Kristófer Jónatansson
Dear Kristófer,
thank you for your letter. Your point seems to
make a lot of sense, what with one's attitude
weighing in heavily when it comes to learning
stuff and whatnot. However, with a name like
Kristófer Jónatansson, you just had to know Ice-
landic from the get-go, right? Otherwise you’d
never be able to pronounce your own name and
stuff. Right?
Could it be Icelandic is just an insanely su-
per-hard language, what with all the consonants
and rolling pirate arrrrrs and conjugations and
stuff? We have no idea, what with being native
speakers and all. But judging from your foreign
friends, this might be the case.
Is Iceland the most irresponsible nation on
earth?
You are like immature children. You tried to
compete with the big boys and failed.
Now pay your debts like adults.
How dare you try to make the UK out to be the
bad guys.
You are the freeloaders of the western world.
Why bother to have a referendum on an orphan
agreement. Do you like wasting money?
F
Dear F,
thank you for your letter. It was... well. Very curt.
And fun! In fact, it was so fun that we read it out
loud to one another while blowing our Icesave
funded overdrafts on fancy new diamond en-
crusted top hats to go with our fancy new dia-
mond encrusted tuxedos [via eBay], which we
will wear to the opening of the Icesave-funded,
diamond encrusted music and conference cen-
tre, Harpa. Hand me my monocle...
Do y’all mind holding a minute, F? We have
to take a call on our gold plated iPhones.
So, yeah. You were saying? What, us? Irre-
sponsible? That unpossible! ANYWAY. Could
you spare some quid? We feel like taking our
fancy private jet for a spin, but our platinum
cards aren’t working for some reason. So just a
couple thou for some gas money would be great.
We’re good for it. Promise.

Dear citizens of Iceland.
I listened to a news report on the B.B.C. this
morning on the public outrage in Iceland about
the bailouts for your banks.I was heartened to
hear that possibly 75% of your populace will
vote against your governments choice to use
your money to cover the banks mistakes. What
great moment for Democracy!! Many here in
the U.S.A. are likewise outraged. However our
media and government is so tightly controlled,
by the same influences that gambled all the
money in the first place, that we are not permit-
ted a final say. We are allowed to grumble only
so much until the next big media event takes
our attention away.
My knowledge of Iceland is admittedly lim-
ited. I once read a book "Independent people"
which filled me with admiration for your coun-
try. The end of the B.B.C. added a scare about
how this vote will make it more difficult for
your country to be able to join the European
union. To which I say larger is rarely better. I
hope the independence of Iceland can be a les-
son to the rest of the world.To live within your
means and enjoy life, not to get dragged into the
greed filled societies of most of the world.

Best wishes from America,
A.J.Steen
Dear AJ,
thank you for your sweet letter. It’s cool to hear
you enjoyed Independent People, and your
views and opinions seem pretty spot on. You
sound like a pretty awesome guy. So I’ll ask you
to pardon the following outburst – it’s not really
directed at you.
You write: “I hope the independence of Ice-
land can be a lesson to the rest of the world. To
live within your means and enjoy life, not to get
dragged into the greed filled societies of most of
the world.”
To which we must reply: HAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
HA!
Sorry. You were saying? Oh yeah, that Ice-
land somehow is an example of folks living with-
in their means, enjoying life while not getting
dragged into the greed-filled societies of the rest
of the world. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAH!
Thanks again for the letter, sir. Check out Hall-
dór Laxness’ The Atom Station if you ever have
the chance. And drop by our office for some
champagne and Kobe burgers if you’re ever
around.
Hello,
I'm one of those folks you like to call an "Ameri-
can Jackass" who thinks Iceland is fabulous.
I'm jazzing up an Iceland Biking Tour website
for one of your own pillars of the community,
and would like to include some info on your
"Inside Reykjavik" guidebook, if it's still avail-
able – like how much it costs and how to order
it. Also, when was it last updated? Your guide
keeps getting recommended in the blogs I've
read, so I think it would be useful (and hilari-
ous, yet informative) reading for potential visi-
tors to your city. Can you help me? More im-
portantly -- if you can ignore the fact that I'm a
USA Jackass -- WILL you help me? By the way,
you don't have any hard evidence that I, person-
ally, am a jackass (You haven't been talking to
my ex-husband, have you?) so give me the ben-
efit of a doubt, OK?
Thanks -- I hope.
Cheers,
Elizabeth Tilley
Dear Elizabeth,
who called you an American jackass? It wasn’t
us, anyway. We don’t define jackasses based on
nationality – only jackassery. Of which you seem
to have little to spare. At least judging by your
letter. You might have been a jackass to a wait-
ress this morning, who knows (and if you were,
shame on you! Do you know how hard waiting
tables can be? It’s HELLISH)?
In any case, you can still buy the book from
its publishing house, Forlagið, over at www.
forlagid.is (it’s in Icelandic, but you’ll probably
find it). The thing is admittedly great, as it was
written by our most excellent former editor Bart
Cameron. It – dare we say – provides some of the
best insight into Reykjavík living one can find
on print. However, it was published four years
ago (that’s like, eight centuries in blog years)
so some of the info might be outta date. REST
ASSSURED THAT WE ARE WORKING ON A
NEW ONE. We’ll tell you more about it when we
get around to it.
While visiting the eruption, if you happen to
drop your keys into the lava flow, don't even
think about retrieving, 'cause man....they're
gone!

CM
Dear CM,
indeed. Also, remember to bring warm clothes
and to pack a heavy lunch, dinner and midnight
snack. And to not get close enough to the lava to
drop your keys in it. It’s fucking lava, man. All
hot and stuff. Just remember.
Dear Grapevine,
I am just home in the UK after 5 fantastic days
in your amazing country, my first visit.
Everywhere we have been we have been
humoured and helped, well informed and im-
pressed by everyone; at our hotel, on organised
tours, on public transport and in bars, shops,
museums, galleries and restaurants.
In addition to the stunning natural phe-
nomena and scenery, you also provided wonder-
ful snowfall for us, which made up for hidden
Aurora Borealis!
On our Golden Circle / snow mobile adven-
ture I stupidly left my camera in the snow suit
provided for the ride. Through your letters page
I wish to say a huge Thank You to Cabin Hotel
and Mountaineers of Iceland Adventure Tours
staff for their help and the amazing prompt re-
turn of my camera, delivered back to the hotel
for me. It's wonderful to find such help and
honesty.
On arriving home I asked my taxi driver
what had been going on in my home town
whilst I was away. His reply; "Bugger all"!
Whatever would visitors to the UK think if
that was all the taxi driver had to offer.
We have a lot to learn from you and your pride
in your country.
Time to start planning (and saving for) my
next trip to Iceland, a very special place
Regards
Anne Bird
Dear Anne,
thank you for your letter. It’s good to hear you
had a nice time over here – we can only BEG
YOU to tell all your friends and acquaintances
about it so we can feast on their sweet, sweet
money. Anyway, we gotta tell you: you shouldn’t
be so harsh on your local cab drivers. Have you
any idea how boring that job must be?
FREE GRAPEVINE TEE HEE HEE!
We’ve got a new prize for all your MOST AWESOME LETTERS. And it’s a scorcher!
From now on, whoever sends in the issue’s AWESOME LETTER will receive a cool new
Reykjavík Grapevine T-shirt, featuring the majestic G that adorns our cover. So you
should make sure to keep writing us fun and/or interesting letters. Natch.
This new Grapevine tee surely is the shiznit! It was designed
by our very own art director man, Hörður Kristbjörnsson, and
it’s good for posing in front of a mirror, impressing folks with
your impeccable taste or picking up men or women of all
ages (no minors). DON’T PANIC if your letter wasn’t picked
AWESOME LETTER. You can still get a tee for a low, low
price over at Havarí on Austurstræti.