Reykjavík Grapevine - 09.12.2016, Qupperneq 60

It’s purely coincidence that “fræk-
na,” the Icelandic word for “val-
iant,” looks a bit like the English
word for “freak,” but this saga is
chock full of some freaky moth-
erfuckers. Sigurgarður himself is
normal bordering on boring but
his BFF is a literal ass-mutant. Not
a literal-ass mutant, like actually
someone with a mutant ass that
he uses for the forces of good. We’ll
go into details when we get there.
Armed to the teeth
Of course there is some king, he
has some son named Sigurgarður,
who is hot and smart and strong
and all that shit. He is raised by this
foster family who have two sons,
Högni and Sigmundur (who also
fit the ideal of medieval Ken-doll-
ness), but the king’s dudes don’t
like them because they’re always
winning the reindeer games or
whatever rich people did back then.
The king’s advisor tries to have
one of them killed. In the impend-
ing scuffle, Högni literally rips the
advisor’s arm off his body and hits
him in the face so hard with his
own arm that his skull cracks and
he dies. Sigurgarður sends his
foster-bros into the forest before
the king arrives and can take ven-
geance on them. He mad, but what-
evs. Sigurgarður grows up to be a
well-respected womanizer.
... To hard ass
Ingi gives each of them a task in
exchange for her few months of
hospitality (which included several
murder attempts that were quickly
foiled by ass or sickle). Stígandi
must gather her pigs and bring
them back, Hörður her horses,
and “Knútur” her oxen, with one of
their horns filled with gold, as well
as her special eggs. So they set off
to find them. After another couple
of murder attempts, including one
by a werewolf, they see Hlégerður.
Knútur nicks her witchy ass just as
she turns into a crow and flies off.
They follow her blood-trail to
find a baby horse getting the shit
kicked out of it by other horses and
leave Hörður to deal with it. They
keep following and also find a pig
being literally suckled to death by
piglets and Stígandi stays to sort it
out. Knútur journeys on to find the
egg and the ox, take its horn, kill a
giant, the crow, and a dragon, and
then fill the ox horn with gold. He
returns to find Hörður butt-deep
in battle with one of Hlégerður’s
brothers and a troll-army and saves
his ass. Then he does the same for
Stígandi with the other brother.
They use the magic dust from the
bag to calm all the animals and
heard them home.
The three of them jump Ingi,
ass-to-sword, sickle-to-shield, and
then Knútur smashes the egg in
her face, breaking the curse. The
mother pig and baby horse turn
back into princesses and Hörður
and Stígandi are revealed to be
the foster-brothers Högni and
Sigmundur. Then everyone gets
married and Ingigerður tells all the
court that Sigurgarður can actually
get it up after all.
Morals of the story: 1. I like big butt
(jokes) and I cannot lie. 2. Decorate
your home with the corpses of men
who’ve wronged you.
SHARE:
gpv.is/sag17
The Saga of
Sigurgarður
the Valiant
Words
GRAYSON
DEL FARO
Illustration
INGA MARIA
The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 18 — 2016
60
SAGA RECAP
“Fara í geitarhús að leita ullar”
literally means to go to the goat
house for wool. It’s used in situ-
ations where you’re looking for
something in the wrong place.
The Icelandic goat has been na-
tive to the country for over 1000
years, but they have not proliferat-
ed as much as the Icelandic sheep.
In the 1960’s, there were less than
80 goats left in the entire country.
Jó h a n n a B er g m a n n Þ or-
valdsdóttir, a former nurse, was
alarmed by the dwindling popula-
tion and set up a goat sanctuary,
Háafell Farm, to save what little
remained of the population from
slaughter. Thanks to her efforts,
the goat population is now up to
900 (still tiny compared to 800,000
sheep and lambs).
Wikipedia states that “the Ice-
landic goat is currently of little
economic value,” and Þorvaldsdót-
tir has struggled to keep the farm
open. Like sheep, the Icelandic goat
is capable of producing cashmere.
Under its coarse coat lies soft tufts
that can be spun into cashmere. Un-
fortunately, goat cashmere needs to
be sent off overseas to be processed,
and the economics don’t quite work
out to make it a profitable endeavor.
So technically, you could find wool
in a goat house, but it would just be
very rare and expensive.
Thanks to a successful Indiego-
go Campaign, which saw donations
come in from all corners of the
world, Háafell Farm still remains
open. If you would like to see an
Icelandic goat in person, you can
visit the farm near Reykholt.
Every Single Word in Icelandic
(http://everysingleword.is) is a pic-
tographic exploration of the Icelan-
dic language. I find an interesting
compound word, then deconstruct
and illustrate it as icons. The goal
is to express how Icelandic can be
deadpan literal and unexpectedly
poetic at the same time.
C.R.E.A.M.
WORDS OF INTEREST
Words & Art EUNSAN HUH
Open every day of the week
Aðalstræti 4-6
Warm up wit
h us at
CenterHotel
Plaza
Follow us on
www.centerhotels.com
www.skyrestaurant.is
www.jorgensenkitchen.is
Enjoy delicious three course
Christmas menu with a spectacular
mountain view in the heart of
Reykjavík at SKÝ Restaurant & Bar.
Have a taste of our yummy Holiday
menu Jörgensen has cooked up in the
festive spirit of the Christmas season.
Welcome!