Reykjavík Grapevine - 03.02.2017, Blaðsíða 16

Recently, The Sunday Times reported
that US President and short-fingered
shouting enthusiast Donald Trump
might be planning a Reykjavík sum-
mit with Russian Prez and topless out-
doorsman Vladimir Putin. It is has
since come to light that the report is
possibly a piece of this “fake news” we
hear so much about—or that it was a
leaked idea that Trump immediately
retracted. Nonetheless, the two world
leaders will have to meet at some
point, and they may well follow in the
footsteps of Reagan and Gorbachev by
selecting our mid-Atlantic island as
the location.
As the Grapevine has diligently
reported on Trump's imaginative
campaign finance strategies and the
worried response he elicits amongst
Icelanders, we felt ourselves duty-
bound to put our heads together and
provide an itinerary of interesting
places to visit for these two intrepid
and savvy politicians.
Here it is: Grapevine’s dream Ice-
landic getaway for Trump and Putin.
Diamond Suites Luxury Hotel
Located close to Keflavík Airport,
this accommodation is ideal for any-
one who doesn't want to mix with the
hoi-polloi. Besides, it seems to be to
their taste. With suites named after
precious gems and interior design that
has all the subtlety and sophistication
of a gold-plated bidet, we can think of
no better place for someone known for
redefining what classy means.
Hljóðaklettar
These gorgeous caves, located just a
few kilometres east of Húsavík, are
the perfect destination for anyone who
loves the sound of their own voice.
Here, you can proclaim, bellow, and
otherwise hold forth, and the only
thing you will hear talking back at
you is yourself. There’ll be no upstart
CNN reporters ruining your press
conference with questions, no snarky
response tweets, and, in fact, no criti-
cism of any kind. Hljóðaklettar is
a literal echo chamber. What better
place to get away and speak your mind
with nobody around to contradict you?
Whale hunting trip
Húsavík is also famous for its whales.
And while there is actually no such
thing as a whale hunting tour in Ice-
land, Trump and Putin are known for
getting what they want, when they want
it. A whale hunting tour would be an ex-
clusive jaunt for them. They could take
turns manning the harpoon gun, re-en-
act the "I'm the king of the world!" mo-
ment from 'Titanic', or pose next to their
trophy for a photo op. As it's unlikely ei-
ther of these two are all that bothered
by trifling concerns such as environ-
mentalism or animal cruelty, they could
also enjoy this bonding moment with a
clean conscience.
Reynisfjara
Now, down to the picturesque southern
coast. Reynisfjara is a dangerous beach
(no really, stay away from the famously
perilous riptides). But such trifling con-
cerns as staying alive are for us mortals.
For big strong manly man-men like
Trump and Putin, the deadly beach of
Reynisfjara is merely another backdrop
for the two to showcase their demon-
strative masculinity. Whether frolick-
ing in the huge, potentially fatal waves,
bounding through the surf together,
or taking turns punching the riptide
warning sign, this is an ideal spot for
some sweet presidential holiday snaps.
Bromantic chopper ride to Katla
After such a whirlwind of activity, this
would make the perfect end to a per-
fect vacation. Trump and Putin could
be whisked away by helicopter to the
summit of this active volcano, where
they could relax on the caldera, do a lit-
tle climate change denying, and laugh
in the face of the possible obliteration
of humanity, all whilst sipping the
finest champagne and doing Reyka
Vodka slammers chilled by genuine
glacier ice. After this relaxing series
of excursions, this same helicopter
would then drop them off at Taco Bell
in Hafnarfjörður for a bite to eat be-
fore they jet back to their respective
superpower countries.
So there you have it. If any of
Trump's or Putin's staff are reading
this, you're welcome. Consider it a
public service.
Words
PAUL
FONTAINE

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GPV.IS/HIC2
Photo NORDURFLUG.IS
Photo DIAMOND SUITES / MICHAEL VADON
This photo is a composite - subjects were unavailable for shoot
This is an actual photo. Crazy, right?
Photo SKARI / GAGE SKIDMORE
We imagine that debonaire Trump would mostly "oversee" the hunting
"ANALYSIS"
Trump & Putin's
Dream Getaway
In Iceland
ASK A…
Historian
Q: “Why are
there so many
swimming pools
in Iceland?”
A: “If I remember this correctly,
the decision to build pools was
made in the interwar period, to
teach Icelanders to swim. Being
able to swim is very important
in a country heavily reliant on
fishing. It was a matter of safety,
as during that time drowning was
common among fishermen—
most of them didn’t know how
to swim. I think that, to this day,
there’s still a greater emphasis on
teaching school children to swim
in Iceland than in other countries,
for example, in Scandinavia.
“The main advocate for this
was MP Jónas Jónsson [then head
of the Progressive Party] from
Hrifla, the farm he grew up on.
Jónas was interested in utilis-
ing the abundant geothermal
resources in Iceland, and also
in founding schools around the
country. The schools were built
with their proximity to hot wa-
ter sources in mind, thus mak-
ing the teaching of swimming
possible. After that, swimming
pools became popular—where
there was a school, there’d also
be a swimming pool.
“So that was more or less how
it started, I think. But it might
also be added that a nice byprod-
uct of building swimming pools
was the culture of discussing
current affairs in the hot tubs.
Swimming pools have therefore
served the same purpose as bars
and cafés do in other countries;
as socialising institutions.“
So there we have it: A early
20th century politician thought
Icelanders should know how to
swim. And it turned out we had
all these geothermal springs ly-
ing around. That’s why.
◂ ◂ ◂ ◆ ▸ ▸ ▸
We asked Ragnheiður
Kristjánsdóttir, Associate Pro-
fessor of History at The Uni-
versity of Iceland. If you have a
question regarding Iceland that
you would like answered, email
us at ask@grapevine.is and we
will find the most suitable ex-
pert in the field in Iceland to
resolve your conundrum.