Reykjavík Grapevine - 19.07.2019, Qupperneq 10

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101 REYKJAVÍK
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THE WATERSIDE TERRACE
AT IÐNÓ. ‘FOOD AND DRINKS
WITH A SPLASH OF SUNSHINE’
With just a few weeks remain-
ing until the start of the 2019-20
season, the smiters have returned
to their clubs to sharpen their axes,
make their blood offerings and cast
their hexes for the campaign ahead.
Here’s the latest Icelandic football
news, sent to us directly from
all over Europe via our doughty
unkindness of messenger ravens.
Sexy Rúrik Strikes
Stone-cold hottie and nuclear
bombshell Rúrik “The Siren” Gísla-
son is the wiliest of bun-wearing
man-babes, and his recent pre-
season performance for club side
SV Sandhausen has set the German
second division swooning.
W i t h m a i n m a n A n d r e w
Wooten heading for Philadel-
phia, the pulchritudinous winger
was given a golden chance to play
centre-forward in a friendly game
against third-division Sonnenhof
Großaspach, and he rewarded the
decision with a handsome hat-
trick. “It would be wrong to talk of
an extreme surprise,”
said head coach Uwe
Koschinat. “Rúrik is
a weapon in the
centre, when he
has a chance to
use his speed.”
The
G e r m a n
second divi-
sion better
beware
when they
s e e R ú r i k
racing towards
t h e m t h i s
season. His
h y p n o t i c
s a p p h i re -
b l u e e y e s
a n d T i m o -
tei-silky mane
d i s t r a c t e d t h e
entire world during
the last World
Cup, so a second
division goalie
stands no chance.
JR
Jón Daði
to roar
at The Den
Jón Daði Böðvarsson has finished
licking his wounds after an injury-
smited 2018/19 season at Champi-
onship strugglers
R e a d i n g , a n d
is back on the
hunt. He left The
Royals recently
for Millwall after
two seasons at
t h e M a d e j s k i
Stadium and fifty
appearances that
yielded 14 goals,
having previously
been ousted from
reaching his true
destiny as a world-famous striker
by dodgy Jorge Mendes at Wolves
in 2017.
The Iceland forward said upon
joining The Lions that he liked the
club’s “vision” and “ambition”—
something that will hopefully see
them finish higher than 21st in the
table next season. We have a sneak-
ing feeling that this clear-eyed,
laser-guided giant will dominate
the box for Millwall, and have their
fans calling him “The Daði” by this
time next year. GR
Jóhann Berg
blown away by stellar
Burnley signing
As if playing for Burnley under Sean
Dyche wasn’t glamorous enough for
Jóhann Berg Guðmundsson, he was
greeted by a new signing—Stoke
and Netherlands reject Erik Piet-
ers—upon his return to pre-season
training.
A sometime attacking mainstay
for Burnley, Jóhann Berg assisted six
times and scored three in 2018/19,
and has been one of the club’s more
lively attacking players, famed for
his darting runs down the wing.
As one of three Icelanders in the
Premier League this season, he’s
also carrying the flag for smiting on
the big stage of European football.
However, playing at Burnley
isn’t the most glamorous job in the
Premier League. To distract him
from his own deafening internal
screams of “please get me out of
this shithole,” Joí has to fight for his
place in the Burnley starting eleven,
after being displaced by fast-rising
prodigy Dwight McNeil in the latter
stages of last season. And if that
doesn’t happen, at least he can jump
in the car when the youngster inevi-
tably secures a move to a big club.
GR
Alfreð named
as Lewandowski
heir-apparent
Robert Lewandowsi may be the
Bundesliga’s top scorer, but the
league’s official website ran a
story recently about the people
vying to snatch
his crown this
season. Featured,
of course, was
none other than
g i m l e t - e y e d
poacher Alfreð
F i n n b o g a s o n .
Sidelined for half
of last season,
he still managed
to score 10 times
in his 17 appear-
ances, meaning
he’s snapping at the heels of Lewan-
dowski’s goals-per-game ratio.
Watch out Robert, Alfreð is coming
for your golden boot—and, possibly,
your scalp. JR
Follow our live-tweets on Euro
qualification matchdays on Twit-
ter at @rvkgrapevine. Iceland's
indomitable and unstoppable
march to the Euro 2020 trophy
will continue throughout 2019,
as Aron, Gylfi, Jóhann Berg and
the boys smite their way through
all the continents of the world,
laying waste to any team foolish
enough to step into their terrible
path to glory.
#IcelandSmites 10 The Reykjavík GrapevineIssue 12— 2019
Trusssst
In Smite,
Jusssst In
Smite
Sexy Rúrik turns on the
charm at SV Sandhausen
Words: John Rogers & Greig Robertsson
Illustration: Lóa Hlín Hjálmtýsdóttir
THE REAL THING
Why Have
Just Two
Goals?

As the Pepsi League reaches the
halfway point of the 2019 season, KR
Reykjavík—the black ‘n’ white mag-
pies of Vesturbær—show no signs
of letting up in their domination of
Iceland’s top division. Having won
all five of their last games, they’re
sitting pretty at the top of the table,
seven points clear of their nearest
rivals, swashbuckling Kópavogar
side Breiðablik.
Meanwhile, the current Pepsi
League title-holders—our heroic
101 boys, Valur—are still recover-
ing from a supremely shaky start,
and are currently clawing their way
back from mid-table ignominy. And
this is despite reuniting three of the
national team’s heroic Euro 2016
and World Cup smiters—Hannes
Halldórsson, Kári Árnason and Birkir
Már Sævarsson—in their defence.
This lack of drama at the top
of the table hasn’t affected the
amount of people turning out to
see games. It was announced this
month that the total Pepsi League
attendance so far is 76,646 over the
68 matches that have been played
to date, with an average attend-
ance of 1,127 per game.
For context, Old Trafford—the
stadium of Manchester United—
has a capacity of 75,653. This means
that, in theory, you could reduce
the amount of Pepsi League game-
days to two, selling out Old Trafford
each time. Of course, all the teams
would have to play simultaneously
to make this work, so you’d have to
have 12 goals on the pitch, perhaps
in a large circle. All the teams would
be playing at once, so there’d be
132 players running at each other in
this Braveheart-battle-scene free-
for-all football spectacular.
If anyone at KSÍ or FIFA is reading,
they’re obviously going to want to
make this new take on the beautiful
game happen. Drop us an email at
grapevine@grapevine.is. The future
of sport beckons. JR
“Stone-cold
hottie Rúrik
Gíslason set
the division
swooning with
a pre-season
hat-trick.”
FOOTBALL