Reykjavík Grapevine - 19.07.2019, Page 52

EDDA RECAP
Rígsþula
The List of Rígu
Words: Grayson Del Faro Illustration: Lóa Hlín Hjálmtýsdóttir
This poem tells the story of Old
Norse eugenics, so it’s obviously a
bit fucked up.
I know, I know, it was written
like 1000+ years ago when our
contemporary concepts of racism
and classism didn’t exist, so we
can’t necessarily call it out like we
would a celebrity’s long-forgotten
racist tweet from 2008. Let’s just
say that this should definitely
make you slightly uncomfortable,
but hopefully you can squeeze a
chuckle out of that discomfort
too.
Three's company
The god Heimdallur goes for a
walk along the sea. Eventually
he comes to the house of a Great-
grandmother and Great-grandfa-
ther, and after introducing him-
self as Rígur, they invite him to
dinner. When their dinner is over
and they go to bed, Rígur “sleeps”
between them. I would’ve pegged
Rígur for a power bottom, honest-
ly, but the poem is very clear about
his preference for the middle!
Nine months later the Great-
grandmother has a baby, which
sounds very unhealthy but okay,
sure. The baby is described as
black, ugly, and malformed so
they name him Slave. He grows
up to doing physical labour and
eventually meets a girl basi-
cally named Slavette. They have
a hoard of babies with names
like Fighty, Smelly, Fatty, Slutty,
Blacky, Fatleggy, Bignose, Slavel-
ing and more! And thus, accord-
ing to the Old Norse belief system,
all the slaves and black folks of the
world were created. I’ll just leave
that there.
Orange is the new black
Rígur comes to another house.
(See where this is going?) This
one is owned by Grandmother
and Grandfather. They eat din-
ner and do the thing in the bed
with Rígur the way he likes it.
When Grandmother gives birth
to a little ginger boy, they name
him Farmer. He grows up to
marry a girl named Daughter-in-
Law and they have jolly little ba-
bies such as Manly, Neighbour,
Blacksmith, Lassy, Missy, Pretty,
and so on, in their working-class
mediocrity.
Ultimately, he comes to the
fancy home owned by Mother and
Father, who are well-dressed and
(the poem is clear about this) very,
very white. They have a spit roast
for dinner and then they spit roast
Rígur for dessert. Later, Mother
has a little blond boy named Lord.
Rígur actually comes back one day
to instruct him to seize property,
so Lord sets off to kill and maim
his way to the top of the aristocra-
cy. He marries a girl named Lively
and they have kids named Noble,
Heir, Inheritor, and eventually the
youngest: King. And thus began
the system of white supremacy
and capitalistic exploitation in
which we still live today! Amen.
Morals of the story:
1. Do I really have to explain this?
2. Racism is bad.
3. Threesomes are great, but use
contraception. Obviously.
TV GODDESS
Girls
Incarcerated
Lóa takes on the world of TV
Words: Lóa Hlín Hjálmtýsdóttir
Netf lix has released another
docuseries and this time we get to
spend time behind bars with girls.
The first season is set in a women’s
jail, but in the second—which hap-
pens to be my favourite—the girls
are in a correctional facility for mi-
nors. For some of them, it’s their
last chance before they turn eigh-
teen and will be charged as adults
if they commit more felonies.
I feel deeply sorry for all of the
girls. Most of them have had a
lousy start in life and it would take
an abnormal saint not to be affect-
ed by their upbringing. It’s a shame
American youth don’t get the same
opportunity of being young and
stupid as teenagers are supposed
to get. Hormonal changes are
like being subjected to a horrible
MKUltra experiment and they can
turn the most sensible person into
a devil. The reason why I like sea-
son two better is because it depicts
more hope and more humanity.
In the LaPorte Juvenile Correc-
tional Institution the girls are not
called inmates and are not serving
a sentence. They are students and
they can graduate from the pro-
gramme. They have classes and
people who work at the institution
seem to have a genuine interest in
seeing these girls succeed in life.
The captain of the ship is a man
named Galipeau. He is sort of like
the principal of LaPorte. Unlike my
old principal, who would have been
the world’s worst warden, he is
kind and patient. The negative part
about the series is that you are ac-
tually watching a real life human
during their worst moments in
life and there is something deeply
disturbing about sitting on a sofa,
munching on snacks and passing
time with their misery.
52The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 12 — 2018
In this series, we illuminate
the individual poems of the
Edda–that most famous, epic
masterpiece of Icelandic literary
tradition–with humour, vulgarity
and modern realness. If you're
still confused, Google 'Saga
Recap.'
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