Iceland review - 2007, Qupperneq 72

70 ICELAND REVIEW
Every night after studying for tomorrow’s classes, Ástbjörg Rut
Jónsdóttir, 28, goes to bed next to her four-year-old daughter,
Ísabella Ronja Benediktsdóttir, in a small, second-f loor apartment
in downtown Reykjavík. She rents out Ronja’s room to lodger
Fitore Lekaj, an effervescent 36-year-old muralist from Albania, to
supplement her income. What you won’t find in their apartment is
a man.
“I’m my own husband! Besides, there’s no room in this house for a
boyfriend,” Jónsdóttir says shaking her head. “There’s only one man
in my house, and that’s Fridgeir Cash, the cat.” (Hannes Tango was
tragically run over earlier this year and is buried in the backyard.)
As an active student at the Iceland Academy of Arts, a single
mom, plus working as an interpreter, Jónsdóttir is typical of the
overworked Icelander. “When parents don’t pursue what makes
them happy on some level, how can they be expected to make their
children happy?” Jónsdóttir says, explaining her reasons for carrying
on with school. “Single parents cannot lose themselves entirely in
raising their children because in the end it’s their children who pay
for their unhappiness and bitterness. People my age realize this.”
Besides help from Lekaj, Jónsdóttir also relies on her extended
family, “They are my rock.” With her mother and stepfather in
Borgarnes, an hour away, and a bevy of close friends in Reykjavík,
Jónsdóttir is not raising Ronja alone. “My daughter knows these
people and is comfortable around people besides me,” explains
Jónsdóttir of the benefits of outside help. “She likes to go for visits
and mix things up. She doesn’t necessarily always want to hang on
mama.”
After having Ronja at 25, Jónsdóttir split up with her boyfriend
who later died this April. “Ronja was a surprise,” she says. “We were
careless. My life has changed in certain ways. You’re not thinking
about yourself as much. Your child is first on your mind. That said,
my circle hasn’t changed, and neither have my goals, to study theater
and sign language.”
Jónsdóttir guffaws at certain misconceptions about single
mothers, that “we’re desperate to find a man to save us.” On the
contrary, going out on the prowl is farthest from Jónsdóttir’s mind.
“I don’t feel a great need to provide a father figure for Ronja,” she
says. “In this society today families are simply different. What’s most
important now is knowing where you come from, who you are,
and that the people around you are going to support you. Being
able to trust the people around you makes all the difference – it’s far
more important than having some father figure or mother figure.
People my age are beginning to open up discourse about this very
mentality.”
Lady Madonna, et al.:
The Single moTher
Ástbjörg Rut Jónsdóttir, 28
and Isabella Ronja Benediktsdóttir, 4.