Reykjavík Grapevine - 03.12.2004, Side 44

on tour TALLINNEstonia
MUDBATHS, BOARS AND
LENIN BEHEADED: A TRIP TO ESTONIA
Around here, people seem to think that physical pleasure is something that enters you through the mouth or the
groin. And perhaps the supposed sexuality of Icelanders may be a result of the fact that, lets face it, there’s not much
else to do here during the long winters. But there are other pleasures than those of the table or the bedroom. And
Estonia has plenty of these.
The spa town of Parnu close to the Latvian border is known
as Estonia’s summer capital. Half the country as well as people
from all across the Baltic seem to flock there during the summer
months to bask on the beach. But there’s nothing quite so nice
as a warm mudbath in the dead of winter. And you’ll avoid the
crowds.
“What is problem?”
During Soviet times, Parnu was a favourite retreat of the
nomenklatura. If you’ve always wanted to be a communist party
boss, there’s nothing that will get you in the mood quite like an
afternoon spent at the Mudaravila spa. The historic building
dates from Estonia’s first independence period in the 20´s. A
large Russian speaking lady asks you “what is problem?” and
then gives you a massage you’ll never forget, before you soak
in the famous mudbaths. That apart, the only Soviet memento
you’re likely to see is a statue of Lenin outside the Modern Art
Museum, the only statue of him still to be found in Estonia. Of
course, it’s been decapitated, his head being replaced by a plastic
one with a lightbulb inside.
Parnu is a two hour bus ride from the capital Tallinn, which
is serviced by an international airport. Recently, low budget
airlines like Easyjet have started flying there, bringing prices
down to very manageable levels. Tallinn’s best know attraction
is the old town, now a haven of bars and restaurants as well as
historical sights.
God is Danish
The name Tallinn means Danish Town. Before the Danes took
to oppressing tiny North Atlantic communities, they invaded
Estonia in 1219. The were on the verge of giving up, when
God, who is of course Danish (which is why people rarely
understand what he’s trying to say), projected a white cross in
the red sky. This has since gone on to be the national flag of
Denmark, the oldest national flag in Europe.
After the victory they built a fort which the locals came to
call Tallinn. Bloody uprisings in 1343 convinced the Danes
to sell their possessions to German crusaders more used to
dealing with this sort of thing, and have since concentrated on
colonising cultures unable to defend themselves. The Germans
soon made themselves popular with the local population, as
crusaders are wont to do, and built the impressive medieval
walls to keep their fans out, which remain in place to this day.
Estonia was later to come under the control of Swedes, Poles
and Russians, finally gaining independence in 1991 after almost
800 years of foreign domination thanks to Iceland’s foreign
minister Jón Baldvin Hannibalsson, who has a street named in
his honour.
Broadcasting Finland
But bad history makes for good food, and Estonian cuisine,
a blend of diverse Northern European influences thanks to
Estonia’s many masters, is surely among the best in the world.
Traditional fare is pork, but its specialities are wild game such
as elk and boar. These are prepared in many different ways
depending on whether you want to go Russian or German, but
if you want to try it medieval style there are restaurants such
as the Peppersack and Olde Hansa wherein waiters in period
costume serve you honey beer in wooden cups. Touristy, yes,
but it’s hard not to be taken in. If you’re not in the mood for a
full wild boar meal you can always fill up on the myriad of beer
snacks, such as fried cheese balls or salty sausage.
Outside the old town, there are examples of Estonia’s post-
medieval past. The TV tower on the outskirts of town is the
most impressive example of communist architecture, which still
has bullet holes from the 1991 struggle for independence. From
up there, you can see Finland on a clear day.
On the way back into town, in Kadriorg garden, you will find
Peter the Great´s place, named after his wife Catherine or Kadri
in Estonian. Peter was a man not afraid to get his hands dirty,
whether he was mending boots, making ships or beheading
dissident aristocrats, and a part of the palace was constructed
with his own hands. Part of the palace now houses the Estonian
Foreign Art museum. Another part is home to Estonia’s
president.
Adding insult to injury
Close to the park is a Soviet memorial to the defenders of
Leningrad in all its concrete glory. It was built on top of a
German military cemetery for the besiegers, adding insult
to injury of the attackers, although some of the German war
graves can still be found. Of course, since Leningrad lost half its
population in the 900 day siege you can’t help but understand
their anger.
Whoever won, though, Estonia was bound to loose. Stalin
had a about a third of Estonia’s population sent to the Gulags,
and Russians moved in instead. After gaining independence,
Estonia has refused citizenship to Russians who moved to
the country after 1940 and their descendants. About a third
of Estonia’s and half of Tallinn’s population remain Russian
speaking, languishing in a legalistic limbo without citizenship
in any country. They can apply for Estonian citizenship upon
completing a basic language test, but most seem unable or
unwilling to do this.
If you cross the railroad tracks to the old town, go over to the
wrong side as it were, you’ll find yourself in a mostly Russian
speaking area, which Russian bars and even one of the last
remaining Bahnia´s, a great Russian style sauna. If that won’t
get the winter chill out of you, nothing will.
THE CHEAPEST WAY
TO GET TO TALLINN:
Iceland Express
KEFLAVÍK-STANSTED: 7.445 ISKSTANSTED-KEFLAVÍK: 7.445 ISKEasyJet
STANSTED-TALLINN: 2.220 ISKTALLINN-STANSTED: 985 ISK
Book a month in advance for lowest prices.
Grapevine consumer service note: Always give away an odd number of flowers. Even number will kill !