Reykjavík Grapevine - 12.09.2008, Blaðsíða 12

12 | REYKJAVÍK GRAPEVINE | ISSUE 14—2008
ARTIClE BY vALuR gunnARSSon
But this was during the Reagan era, when B-mov-
ie actors ruled the world. Perhaps the subliminal
message here was that Arnie was representing Ol-
lie North, and the monster a Central American so-
cialist. In any case, two of the pumped up muscle
men would go on to greater things. Jesse Ventura,
formerly a wrestler, would become Governor of
Minnesota. And Arnie, of course, is currently Gov-
ernor of California. It seems that the only major
character in Predator not to get his own state was
poor Carl Weathers. A black guy just can’t catch
a break. Not only did he lose a hand in the movie
itself, after having recently been beaten to death
by another socialist monster in Rocky IV, but his
post-Predator career highlight is spoofing himself
as a failed actor in the series Arrested Develop-
ment. Admittedly, Arrested is probably better than
anything Arnie ever did. Still, you can‘t help but
feel the poor guy was shafted. They could have at
least given him Wisconsin or something.
STAllONE, SCHWARzENEGGER
AND ARON PálMI
It seems that the only guy to do worse out of Pred-
ator than Carl Weathers was the monster itself.
True, Predator returned in a sequel, Predator 2,
but this was typecasting of the worst kind. And it
got worse. While there is a certain dignity to being
beaten up by Arnold Schwarzenegger, in the sec-
ond film he is bested by senior citizen Danny Glov-
er, with Mel Gibson nowhere in sight. And while
Arnie went on to do the obligatory family friendly
comedy, poor Pred only returned to acting by re-
peating his signature role in Predator vs. Aliens 1
and 2. This time, he doesn‘t even get to headline
any more, but has to share credits with the mon-
ster from another franchise. His old foe Arnie was
never reduced to the obvious battle of the 80‘s
buffs, something in the vein of Schwarzenegger
vs. Stallone, but Preds seems destined to forever
duke it out with the other 80‘s monster (yes, I
know Alien first came out in 1979). Speaking of
Stallone, Sly may have been prophetic when he
went to the future in Demolition Man and found
that Arnie had become president. However, it is
highly unlikely that in the future anyone will rec-
ognise Wesley Snipes. Except, of course, for Aron
Pálmi.
NO NuKES fOR AuSTRIANS
So, it seems that with his acting career in a rut,
the only sensible option open to Predator would
be to follow his colleagues into politics. Who
knows, he might even beat Arnie to the punch,
for a change. While 2008 was the year people
got to choose between the possibility of the first
Predator for President
He may be an evil monster: at least he's upfront about it
In retrospect it might seem obvi-
ous, but at the time no one really
suspected that two of the stars of
mid-eighties action flick Predator
would become US governors. Back
then, most people thought of it as
a lightweight shoot ‘em up about
big men with big guns running
through the jungle looking for a
monster to blow up rather than an
introduction to politics.
IT SeeMS ALL In ALL THAT THe pReD-
AToR IS A TRue RepuBLIcAn, AnD
THIS wouLD Be THe nATuRAL pARTY
FoR HIM.
ARTIClE
female and the first black president, 2012 might
give us the choice between the first Austrian and
the first alien President. And while some people
might understandably be wary of putting Preda-
tor in charge of nuclear weapons, one would do
well to remember that putting Austrians in charge
of Superpowers rarely bodes well. It was, in fact,
Austrians that started both World Wars 1 and 2,
by invading Serbia and Poland respectively. That‘s
one franchise we don‘t want Arnie to return to.
THE PREDATOR AND GuN CONTROl
But which party would Predator run for? Arnie is
firmly entrenched in the Republican Party and
Jesse Ventura ran as an independent for Ross Per-
ot's Reform Party. Predator would want to appeal
to his fanbase, and the people who rooted for him
back in 1986 would want him to be opposed to
Arnie. One possibility would be for him to join the
Greens, as he seems to be more at home in the jun-
gle than other habitats. However, the Democratic
Party is the more obvious choice to get back at
the Guvernator. The Democrats have often been
accused of being soft on terrorism, but it wouldn‘t
take more than their candidate presenting a few
Taliban skulls with their backbones still attached
to silence such doubts. However, he might soon
have problems with his own party. It would be
hard for the Predator to come out in favour of gun
control without the press having a field day with
images from his gun toting youth. Also, the Preda-
tor seems to be in favour of private initiative, as he
always hunts alone. This might lead him to lower
taxes. Attempts to reform Medicare might also be
seen to be hypocritical by relatives of the people
he has hospitalised.
PREDATOR VS. AlIENS 2020
It seems all in all that the Predator is a true Repub-
lican, and this would be the natural party for him.
At best, he could perhaps be VP to Arnie’s Prez.
The poor guy seems destined to be forever in Ar-
nie’s shadow. Until, of course, his turn came up
in 2020. But knowing Predator’s luck, by that time
Alien would be the Democratic nominee. Alien is,
after all, a natural candidate for the left. He always
thinks about the interests of the group rather than
the individual. Also, he would be firmly opposed
to guns, as this would give him a natural advan-
tage. And he would want a good social system to
take care of the young until they are old enough
to leave the nest and attach themselves to other
people. Predator’s only response to such a strong
candidate would be to declare all Aliens illegal.
But this might bring about uncomfortable scrutiny
into his own past. Only a firmly patriotic, all Amer-
ican VP might deflect this. Perhaps Carl Weathers
could be convinced to bring out the old Stars and
Stripes boxer shorts, and go one more round with
socialist monsters after all.
If you’re like me, perhaps you’ve been busy scour-
ing the political blogs, keeping up on the gossip
about Bristol Palin’s baby daddy or meticulously
counting down the days until the US presidential
election on November 4. On the other hand, if
you are an expat living in Iceland, you might also
have been too busy learning salsa or hanging out
in the geothermal pools to care what’s going on
across the pond. No matter the case, it’s time to
stop procrastinating and get your head in the game
because the 2008 presidential election is less than
two months away, and I bet you still haven’t applied
for an absentee ballot.
If you haven’t, fear not, because the US Em-
bassy is ready to help. There’s still time to get in
your request for a ballot and you don’t even have
to leave your house. Just check out www.usa.is and
go to US citizen services. All of the important infor-
mation is listed along with a link to register for your
state’s ballot.
IMPORTANT THINGS TO KNOW:
• The US Embassy recommends applying for
an absentee ballot within 30-45 days of the
election.
• If you’re not registered to vote in the States
you can get registered by going to www.usa.
is. The state that you would have to register
with is the last state you lived in even if you
currently have no ties there.
• If you’ve never lived in the US but are consid
ered a citizen, some states will let you register
if you have a parent who was a resident.
• Every state has its own deadline so check
www.fvap.gov to see when that is.
• If you register to vote but you don’t receive
your ballot in time for the election you can fill
out a write-up ballot and send it in.
• If you have questions, you can go to the US
embassy. They have copies of voting forms
there that they will help you fill out. You can
even mail them there. Or, you can call the
voting line at +354 697 4449.
The US Embassy also encourages US citizens living
in Iceland to register with the State department to
receive important updates and information.
US Citizens:
BY DeSIRee AnDRewS
Here’s How You Vote
the u.s. could certaiNlY do Worse