Reykjavík Grapevine - 04.12.2009, Side 30

December is pretty much universally
recognised as the most difficult month of
the year, what with the cold, the dark and
the inescapable, mind-numbing ever-pres-
ent Christmas music. However, what few
realise is that this bleak month is especially
harrowing for those who knit.
The process of knitterly Christmastime
misery usually begins in early November,
when the knitter realises that friends and
family members have begun their annual
mumbling about how cold their various
body parts are. The knitter feels uniquely
equipped to remedy this sorry state of af-
fairs and so self-imposes a mission to whip
up a hand-knit extravaganza of warmth-
producing garments by Christmas.
However, instead of at this point getting
to work on the present-making, thereby
taking the only course of action that will
allow them to avoid a massive boulder of
failure and general bad feeling being de-
posited upon their souls on December 24,
most knitters choose to take a look at the
calendar and exclaim: “Christmas is seven
weeks away! That’s a long time, and then
some. Have you seen how fast I knit? I’ll
have twelve presents knit up in one week-
end easy! Now, back to those seven intri-
cate projects all intended for myself.”
The fallacy of this mindset tends to be-
come clear to the knitter in the first week
of December, when the cold-related mum-
bling of loved ones has reached a certain
momentum and the seven intricate projects
intended for the knitter’s own personal
consumption have each progressed by
about a centimetre. Suddenly the pressure
to knit gifts becomes almost tangible, as
if the atmosphere has turned into an all-
enveloping knit-slowing jelly.
The knitter quickly and desperately
abandons grandiose plans of sweaters for
all and moves on to the more manage-
able field of knitted accessories. This is an
especially painful transition for Icelandic
knitters, since nowhere in the world is the
sweater as prized an object, to the detri-
ment of all other knitwear, as on this cold
rock. But all knitters, even Icelandic ones,
must bow to the following logic that re-
sounds in the brains of knitters everywhere
when Christmas is a mere three weeks
away: “A hat knits up in no time at all, espe-
cially if I use bulky yarn. And I am a speedy
knitter; I’ve just been kind of lazy lately. If
I sit down and put my mind to it I’ll churn
out twelve bulky hats in one weekend, no
problem. Now, back to that sweater I want
to wear to all the Christmas parties. Wooo!”
Clearly, this poor procrastinating soul is
doomed.
Fittingly, the next step in the Christ-
mas-knitting process is nearly apocalyp-
tic: darkness of the soul descends as the
knitter unravels and loses it completely,
sweatily tossing and turning during sleep-
less nights spent worrying about the dis-
appointment about to be inflicted on loved
ones. This stage is reached about a week
before that sacred holiday itself, as the
knitter gazes upon the sad pile of four bulky
hats completed (or just about, if we disre-
gard the need for the weaving in of ends
and blocking) and realises with horror that
not only will most friends and family get
store-bought hats for Christmas, they will
also have to endure the humiliation of wit-
nessing a chosen few receiving handknit
treasures. The mere thought of this unfair
scenario causes the knitter to experience
vivid hallucinations of crying relatives, an-
gry friends and, worst of all, bragging knit-
ters claiming to have finished all of their
gifts on time.
Witnessing the knitter’s dissolution of
resolve and sanity can in many cases be
great fun for his or her loved ones. In fact,
deranged knitterly antics and their intrinsic
entertainment value may very well be a bet-
ter Christmas present than any hat could
ever be. However, be aware that most knit-
ters would disagree with this statement.
When Christmas itself rolls around,
some knitters will still be keeping to a pun-
ishing schedule, pushing themselves to
finish as many handknits as humanly pos-
sible. Other knitters will have taken the less
crazy route of resigning themselves to their
fate as failed craftsmen and have taken
their humiliation to its logical extreme by
purchasing presents made of fleece at
the mall. But it matters not one jot which
of these paths the knitter chooses, for both
types will encounter the same inevitable
truth once the presents have been opened:
most handknit gifts are received with only
lukewarm admiration and, following the
obligatory wearing of the item at one social
event, are forever relegated to the murkiest
depths of the deepest closet. For this very
reason the smartest and most seasoned
knitters choose to knit items mostly intend-
ed for their own enjoyment and disregard
gift knitting almost completely.
When Christmas is over and done with,
knitters, as well as others, can relax a little.
The thought that keeps them going is that
no matter how little the gifted handknits
may have been appreciated, at least it is
a full twelve months until the next full-on
session of dread and disillusionment. The
more neurotic knitters may well expend en-
ergy in January and February seething over
the infrequent appearances of handknits
on the limbs of loved ones, but as spring
and summer bring new and fascinating
patterns and yarns, the pain of misunder-
stood artistry is slowly but surely minimised
and forgotten.
The following November, the world
again seems new and full of promise, and
that beautiful, fully-patterned sweater
would look so good on Mom.
Such is the natural cycle of life among
knitters, and while it is easy enough to
recognise, it is harder to avoid. It is un-
avoidable, much like the process of age-
ing, and is therefore best accepted and
embraced to avoid unnecessary anguish.
For those knitters currently in the grips of
Christmas-knitting madness, mired in the
cautious optimism of the second stage,
believing that they can still pull off acces-
sories for all: considers yourselves fairly
warned! But since reason cannot reach you
now, here is a pattern for quickly-executed
ladies mittens that look more time consum-
ing than they are. Merry Christmas!
frasIer mITTens
neeDLes:
Set of 5 5mm double pointed needles
maTerIaLs:
Two contrasting colours of unspun
Icelandic wool (Plötulopi), held double,
approximately 50 g. of each. Colours are
referred to as MC (main colour) and CC
(contrast colour).
noTe:
If you do not understand knitting
instructions such as k 2tog or ssk, please
look them up on the internet. Or ask
someone what they mean. Work it out.
Instructions (same for both mittens): Cast
on 32 sts with MC. Divide stitches evenly
between four needles, taking care not to
twist the work. Knit in the round four rounds
in garters stitch, creating two ridges. Now
begin 1x1 ribbing, adding CC: knit one with
CC, purl one with MC, repeat around. Work
rib for approx. 4.5 cm, then knit one round
with CC only, increasing 8 stitches evenly
around. 40 stitches. Now begin colour pat-
tern: First round: knit 3 with CC, knit 1 with
MC, repeat around. Second round: knit 1
with MC, *knit1 with CC, knit 3 with MC,
repeat from * around, end knit 2 with MC.
Third round: knit around with MC. Fourth
round: same as second round. Fifth round:
same as first round. Sixth round: knit
around with CC. Repeat these six rounds
to make pattern. Place thumb when hand
is approx. 6 cm long. Note: It is easiest to
place thumb in either rounds three or six,
as these are solid coloured rounds. Place
thumb so: Right mitten: knit first 8 stitches
of round on to scrap yarn, slide the stitches
back on to left needle and knit again, fol-
lowing pattern. Left mitten: as for right mit-
ten, only knit stitches 9-16 of round on to
scrap yarn. Knit colour pattern until hand
of mitten is approx. 14.5 cm long, or as
needed. Begin decreasing for top of mitten
(still following six round colour pattern):
Round 1: Needle 1: knit 2tog, knit to end of
needle. Needle 2: knit to last 2 stitches, ssk.
Needle 3: knit 2tog, knit to end of needle.
Needle 4: knit to last 2 stitches, ssk. Round
2: knit all stitches. Repeat these 2 rounds
until 8 stitches remain. Break yarn, thread
through stitches and pull tight. Note: To
create a solid-coloured border for the top
of the mitten, use the same colour every
time for the decrease stitches, on both
the decrease rounds and the knit rounds.
Thumb: Same for both mittens. Unravel
scrap yarn, pick up 18 stitches (scrap yarn
stitches + 2 sts to avoid holes at the sides
of thumb) around the hole with either MC
or CC as your taste dictates, divide stitches
between 4 needles, knit 1 round decreas-
ing 2 stitches evenly. 16 stitches. Knit until
thumb is approx. 5.5 cm long, or as needed.
Decrease for top of thumb: Needle 1: knit
2tog, knit to end. Needle 2: knit to last 2
stitches, ssk. Needle 3: knit 2 tog, knit to
end. Needle 4: knit to last 2 stitches, ssk.
Repeat decrease round, with no plain knit
round in between, until 8 stitches remain.
Break yarn and pull through remaining
loops. Finishing: Weave in ends and block
mittens.
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The reykjavík grapevine Xmas special spectacular 2009
Issue 18
14
Xmas | Knitting
Knitting for Christmas The Horror! The Horror!