The White Falcon - 04.10.1985, Qupperneq 4

Shattering spouse abuse myths
Story by Moilie Isaacson
Editorls note: Moilie Isaac-
son is the wife of an Air Force
member. She is an instructor of
social work at Texas Lutheran
College, Seguin, Texas, and a
practicing family counselor
whose credentials include master's
degrees in both social work and
public administration.
Most people grow up expecting
to marry and raise a family.
Once they start dating, they be-
gin to look for that special
someone, and when he or she comes
along, marriage usually follows.
For most, this is a satisfy-
ing way of life. But for some,
the fantasy of a happy home dies
when they become the victims of
violence. For these people who
made an unfortunate marital
choice, life becomes a nightmare
of verbal and physical abuse.
It is estimated that one out
of every five spouses experience
some sort of physical abuse dur-
ing married life. Right now,
one out of every 15 relation-
ships is experiencing the kind
of violence that will send the
victim to the hospital.
The military family mirrors
the problems of society. Al-
though the military family is
unique, it has been plagued with
the problem of spouse abuse.
Sposue abuse affects every as-
pect of our lives, from work and
productivity, to recreation and
self-worth.
How can two people know when
7 ✓ /*!/ - 7 /
they are dating that his or her
future spouse is an abuser? Can
behavior be predicted before it
occurs?
Sometimes it is impossible to
predict behavior, but there are
warning signs which may be help-
ful. Knowing the myths about
family violence, and examing
your future mate in an objective
light can be useful.
MYTH NO. 1: The abuser is a
monster, angry all the time.
Not true. The abuser is usually
a quiet person, until he or she
becomes angry. Sometimes the
abuser is overly jealous or sus-
picious. At first, all this at-
tention may be flattering, but
soon becomes too confining.
MYTH NO. 2: Alcohol is the
cause of spouse abuse. Although
alcohol is certainly a "trigger"
for violence, "going on the wa-
gon" doesn't stop the abuse.
Abusers hit because they don't
know how to express themselves
in constructive ways.
MYTH NO. 3: Abusers only
come from poor backgrounds and
broken homes. Not true. Abusers
come from every level of society
including the well educated and
wealthy.
MYTH NO. 4: A woman makes a
man hit her. She asks for it.
A woman may think that she can
control a man's abusive behavior,
but she can't. Most women are
abused because of trivial things
The incident triggers the vio-
lence. And if that incident is
prevented, another will take its
place.
MYTH NO. 5: If the abuser
promises to stop, he or she will
stop. False. Love and promises
are not enough. The abuser must
learn new ways to express anger
without resorting to violence.
Help is needed.
Don't become the victim of
family violence. If you see po-
tential problems in your rela-
tionship, get help. Don't fool
yourself, violence is serious.
1985 DoD Combined Federal Campaign Overseas
Story by J01 Howard Watters
The Combined Federal Campaign (CFC) drive has
started at many bases and will be starting short-
ly at the rest. The starting date and duration
will vary with locality. CFC is a once-a-year
solicitation of the military services and federal
employees for a variety of worthy causes. Your
contribution goes to support voluntary health and
welfare agencies locally, nationally and inter-
nationally. It is the only authorized charity
campaign for all Department of Defense personnel.
When a CFC worker approaches you remember that
one or more of the participating agencies help us
or our families at some time in our lives. So be
as generous as you can.
4
Here on the NATO Base, the 1985 CFC Coordi-
nator is Ensign Tina Van Hook, of the Air Opera-
tions Department. This year's local Combined
Federal Campaign drive will get underway Oct. 30.
and will run through Dec. 11.
For more information concerning the 1935 CFC
drive, please contact Ens. Van Hook, during nor-
mal working hours, at ext. 2280.
SUPPORT COMBINED FEDERAL CAMPAIGN
OVERSEAS AREA
October 4, 19o5 The White Falcon