Reykjavík Grapevine - 06.05.2016, Síða 8

The villain of this issue is also law-
yers. While it’s true that lawyers can
only engage in legal action within the
confines of the law, some of them take
their interpretation of the law to new
and questionable heights. For just one
example, lawyer Vilhjálmur H. Vil-
hjálmsson has launched a libel cam-
paign against some 22 people—many
of them journalists, some of them
just regular folks posting on social
media—for their reporting of or com-
mentary on a now infamous reported
rape in Reykjavík. The libel suit raises
serious questions about freedom of the
press and freedom of expression, both of
which are constitutionally guaranteed,
and Vilhjálmur has gone on the record
saying the press covers sexual assault
cases too much. Win or lose, his suit
may have a strong chilling effect on Ice-
landic journalism, which does the public
no favours. For this reason, lawyers are
this issue’s Villain of the Issue.
The hero of this issue is lawyers.
People like to speak ill of lawyers as
blood-sucking parasites who prey
upon the worst of humanity’s impuls-
es. However, we say this because we’re
not in a position where we need them.
Consider, for example, Iceland’s asy-
lum seekers. Quite possibly the most
vulnerable members of Icelandic so-
ciety, these are people who more often
than not do not understand Icelandic,
let alone Icelandic law, and need every
resource at their disposal just to stay
in this country. Fortunately for them,
there are lawyers in this country who
are willing to fight for them, in and out
of court. Oftentimes, they can mean
the difference between deportation
and residency. For this reason, lawyers
are this issue’s Hero of the Issue.
HERO OF
THE ISSUE
VILLAIN OF
THE ISSUELawyers Also Lawyers
Getty Images
Depicted:
Good lawyers
Depicted:
Bad lawyers
The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 5 — 2016
8
The Panama Papers
leak is still fresh in
people’s minds, espe-
cially as The Grape-
vine broke the story
that Dorrit Moussaieff, wife of Presi-
dent Ólafur Ragnar Grímsson, has
connections to many offshore tax
shelters. But even as there has been
concerted and very vocal criticism of
the sitting government and its ties to
offshore accounts, recent polls taken
in the wake of the Panama Papers leak
show that the ruling coalition has ac-
tually risen in support. At the same
time, the Pirate Party—which has
topped the polls for over a year now—
have seen their first significant drop
in support. There is as yet no scientific
explanation for these results—code-
pendency perhaps?—but the numbers
speak for themselves.
In what is probably the most adorable
news we have ever reported on, Ripley,
an Icelandic child named after the pro-
tagonist of the Alien franchise, met
her namesake—or at least, the actor
who plays her, Sigourney Weaver. Ri-
pley’s parents were informed of Weav-
er’s arrival after she was spotted by
NEWS IN
BRIEF
We can feel it. It’s coming in the air
tonight. The first signs of the impend-
ing horde of tourists that will descend
upon Iceland this summer are appear-
ing on the horizon. Apparently 1.5 mil-
lion tourists came last year, the vast
majority of them in the summer and
almost all of them passing through
Rvk. This year, if all the reports come
to pass, will be the biggest year yet.
Tourism as critical mass.
And us bar workers are absolutely
dreading it.
Because make no mistake: While
everyone has been wringing their
hands impotently at this country’s out
of control tourism industry that’s torn
the ass out of downtown Reykjavík
(which, by the way, looks like a dysto-
pian building site sponsored by retro
clothing manufacturers and beards),
us 101 bar staff have been the unoffi-
cial front line dealing with and clean-
ing up the end results of a lack of plan-
ning by the powers that be. And all of
us with a weary smile on our faces.
101 Rvk will be overrun this summer
like a bad case of the tourist tribbles,
complete with overpriced clothing and
backpacks (even though it will be July,
they will come into the bar looking like
they’re about to do an Antarctic expedi-
tion), and a preening self-righteousness
masked with an overbearing politeness.
A mask that will surely slip once they get
several pints down them.
And the questions. Man oh man, the
questions! Mark Twain famously said,
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry,
and narrow-mindedness, and many of
our people need it sorely on these ac-
counts,” but he never had to deal with
the people who come our way, babbling
the inanest crap, the sort that make
you wish there was another world war.
What’s the wi-fi password? (While
standing in front of the sign telling
them.) Do you have a drinks menu?
(No.) Where is there a good restaurant
that serves authentic Icelandic food?
(They’re never happy when you tell
them to go to the hot dog stand.) Are
there any good clubs? (No.) Can I climb
up Esja in February? (Why would you
want to do that? Do you really want to
die needlessly?) You don’t sound Ice-
landic, where are you from? (Please
don’t speak to me…) All this and more,
all the way up to “It’s my birthday! Can
we get some free drinks?” (Do we look
like a booze ATM?), the ever-wonderful
“Where can I buy some weed/cocaine/
MDMA?” (Actually, we can’t really help
you in doing something that’s still il-
legal), and the classic, “We’re on a stag
do, can you tell how we can get some…
um… ‘escorts’?” (See previous answer.
And that’s really fucking icky mate.)
But before you think this poorly
thought-out column will simply be a
stick to bash El Fokking Turista with,
the locals are infinitely worse, the ones
still believing that they are merely
acting out the scenarios of Jeff Who’s
“Barfly.” You’d be hard pressed to find
a worse bunch of entitled, narcissistic
oxygen thieves this side of the West-
ern Hemisphere. From the cool kids
wearing the latest dogshit fashions
while tweaking on chalk dust speed,
to “artistic” fools suffering delusions
of grandeur, to the lecherous, ever so
mildly racist older folk who think they
own the fucking place. And that’s just
the Grapevine staff who come bran-
dishing their “eternal happy hour”
staff cards. A pox on you all!
So… you want to know the real
Iceland, the one that you may only
glimpse of in the papers and in docu-
mentaries about our “cool” petri dish
culture? Then be sure to read more in
the coming weeks. You’ll almost cer-
tainly disagree with it, and say that
this messenger is full of crap, but at
least you can’t say you haven’t been
warned when you find yourself in toi-
let bowl hell at Paloma at 4am.
Strange Brew:
“Summer is coming...”
Words BOB CLUNESS Photo ART BICNICK
STRANGE
BREW
Our new bar
column tells
you how it
really is when
those happy
hours finish…
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