Reykjavík Grapevine - 04.07.2008, Blaðsíða 8

8 | REYKJAVÍK GRAPEVINE | ISSUE 09—2008
OPINION By oddur SturluSon — illuStration By BoBBy BreiÐHolt
This is most obviously exemplified by the curious
mix of grandiosity and meekness (an oxymoron
if there was one) of native Icelanders who find it
nothing short of scandalous that their small, un-
armed country doesn't have as much political pull
as some of their larger, more powerful neighbours.
At the same time they are proud of having almost
won a football match against the World Champi-
ons... a decade ago.
But as Homo sapiens always do, Icelanders
found a way to cope. Instead of giving up and fac-
ing the fact that a small, isolated country may not
be comparable to huge, multi-cultural ones, these
proud islanders invented something brilliant in
its simplicity and devastating in its effectiveness:
something which serves to both prove this coun-
try’s superiority and kindle fears of its imminent
degeneration – The Per Capita Record.
The Per Capita Record is quite simply when
Iceland does something noticeable, compared to
how small it is; for example, we don't have nearly
as many cars as the UK, but compared to the pop-
ulation we have a lot more. Used most often to ex-
cuse the mediocre standing of our sports teams,
you'll often hear Icelanders state that our sports
teams are actually very good... compared to how
few we are. But since receiving the rather embar-
rassing news that Icelandic woman are no longer
considered the most beautiful in the world and
in fact don't even come close, Iceland has been
in need of a good dose of patriotism. So, without
further ado, here is the list of Iceland's proudest
accomplishments.
Morality Capital of the World
Although widely thought of as being a rather alco-
holically inclined nation it turns out that Iceland
was in 27th place out of 30 surveyed countries for
per capita alcohol consumption. Put that in your
pipe and smoke it, Quentin Tarantino! Another
misconception is that all Icelanders get divorced,
but according to the statistics only 30 of every 100
marriages ends in divorce, which is pretty respect-
able compared to Belgium’s 60 out of every 100
marriages. Iceland also has the third lowest in-
fant mortality rate in the entire world, the highest
amount of water availability and the lowest per-
ceivable amount of government corruption. In Ice-
land, the government doesn't lie about its shady
dealings; it just refuses to comment on them. In
your face, Democracy!
Great Artists, Crappy Terrorists
Icelanders read the most books per capita and
have more artists as part of the workforce than
anywhere else. Perhaps this explains the fact that
in a survey released about a year ago only 3% of
the country described themselves as unhappy or
maybe it's because Iceland has the highest rate of
suicide caused by depressive episodes. Is every-
one who isn't happy already dead? The war on ter-
ror has proven itself worthwhile in Iceland where
no one has ever died in a terrorist attack. Taken
back to school bin Laden!
The Perfect Woman
We have the 5th highest rate of female parliamen-
tarians with 34.9% of the parliament being women
and had the honour of having the first female
president. Unfortunately for the fairer sex, Iceland
also has the highest incidence of breast cancer
in women, or 39.4 afflicted for every 100.000. On
a side note, in this reporter’s opinion, Icelandic
women are not only still the most beautiful, they
are also the best fighters in the world. I dare you
to piss off an Icelandic woman between midnight
and 5 AM on a Saturday night. I double dare you.
Global Warming? Sounds good
The clean and unpolluted island paradise has the
most tractors per 100 hectares of arable land and
in fact has more than three times more than the
next country, Japan. At the same time, however,
Iceland has the second least amount of arable
land of all countries that practice agriculture,
which leaves us with practically no land and a
hell of a lot of tractors. It's not just tractors though;
Iceland has the second highest amount of cars
per capita too, right after the USA, and is in 8th
place for oil usage, with each person using more
than half a barrel a day. Whatcha gonna do about
it Saving Iceland?
Socialist Paradise
Iceland is also the third most taxed country in the
world. But of course, how else could we afford to
pay nurses, teachers and police officers such fan-
tastic wages? Oh, wait, we don't! In fact, Icelandic
teachers’ wages are only slightly higher than in
Mexico and substantially lower than in Italy, de-
spite both countries paying a lot less in taxes.
International Politics and College Hierarchy
The goal of this article is not to mock or degrade
Iceland. By all standards, per capita or otherwise,
this quaint little island is a respectable place to
live but it's not the same island it was two decades
ago. Like a hot firstyear girl flirting with seniors at
the dance, we're at the pivotal point where we can
either go home with the captain of the football
team who'll use us and dump us (and be “that”
girl for the rest of our college years). Or we can
remember the nerdy kid who's always been there
for us and be the cool chick in the coming of age
comedy/drama, which is the world of internation-
al politics. Let's not be Lindsay Lohan in Mean
Girls, let's be Ellen Page in Juno.
INfO
* A survey preformed approximately a year
ago showed Iceland as the happiest country
in the world. A newer survey, however,
has placed Denmark in first place, and
Iceland as about as happy as Columbia and
Puerto Rico. What traumatic event could
have lowered Iceland's spirits so dramatical
ly? Two words. Merzedes Club.
* Despite our reputation, Iceland is not one of
the top alcohol consumers in the world.
* Iceland has the most tractors per 100
hectares of arable land and the second most
cars per capita in the world.
* Iceland has the highest rate of suicide as a
consequence of depression.
* Nobody in Iceland has ever been killed in a
terrorist attack.
Living in an environment as hos-
tile and unpredictable as Iceland
can have severe effects on one’s
mental stability. When a society
goes through environmental hard-
ship, long periods of darkness and
centuries of seclusion it's bound to
lead to some kind of eccentricity.
iceland iS alSo tHe tHird MoSt
taxed country in tHe World. But
oF courSe, HoW elSe could We
aFFord to pay nurSeS, teacHerS
and police oFFicerS SucH Fan-
taStic WageS? oH, Wait, We don't!
Iceland: Home of the Per Capita Record
Also: home to the most expensive Big Mac in the world.
OPINION
If you have recently moved to Iceland (as I have), or
are considering the move, here are some thoughts
and suggestions to consider (most of which I am
still trying to implement myself):
Firstly, be kind to yourself and be patient. Mov-
ing to a new country is a big change and even big-
ger challenge. Leaving behind your home, family,
friends, job, and familiar surroundings is tough.
You come to Iceland…a new country, different
culture, difficult language, unfamiliar surround-
ings, with a limited support network, probably un-
employed and trying to survive in this incredibly
expensive country, whilst battling the unpredict-
able weather conditions. It’s tough! With all this to
juggle, don’t put too much pressure on yourself to
get a job within “x” number of weeks or any other
expectations like that.
Most importantly, try to learn Icelandic – this
will be your key to integrating, and will definitely
help you secure a good job. I am a qualified Psy-
chologist back in my home country of Australia,
but because I only speak pinulitla islensku, I am
finding it difficult to obtain a professional, well-
paying job here in Iceland. At least initially,
non-Icelandic speaking foreigners may need to
consider working in kindergartens, aged care fa-
cilities, restaurants, bars or cafés. However, if you
have a high degree of expertise in things such as
computer programming, engineering or other sci-
ence-based occupations, this will increase your
chances of obtaining work with a good income.
I also suggest diving head first into Icelandic
life. Get to know the locals… Go to the heated
swimming pools… Undertake a sport or hobby…
Join a hiking group… Go to the bars and cafés…
Whatever… but do something. Loneliness and de-
pression can become your closest companions,
especially when you feel isolated, vulnerable and
out of your comfort zone – so take charge!
Stay strong mentally and always keep an open
mind. You are in Iceland for a reason or purpose,
but expect the unexpected (this is the land of fire
and ice, after all). You may hit a few speed bumps
along your journey but remember… it’s not what
happens to you, it’s how you perceive it. All the
frustration and challenges are laying the founda-
tion for newfound learning, understanding and
growth. As my good friend Anthony Robbins says,
“What we can or cannot do, what we consider
possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our
true capability, it is more likely a function of our
beliefs about who we are.” The secret of success
is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead
of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do
that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life
controls you.
Some final thoughts… Maintain a sense of
humour… Don’t take things too personally… and
stay in touch with family and friends back home.
Enjoy your stay!
Tips from the
Aussie now
calling Iceland
“home”
By iriS goeManS