Reykjavík Grapevine - 09.10.2009, Blaðsíða 48

16
the reykjavík grapevine
Issue 16 — 2009
One PM and it’s a sea of silver heads
on the Gullfoss and Geyser Express
Tour as international pensioners claim
seats. I’m contemplating the mysteries
of old people when Linda, our tour
guide, comes on the loudspeaker, in-
troduces herself, and sprinkles us with
Icelandic trivia: 115,000 people live in
Reykjavík, 11% of Iceland is covered
in ice…etc. Before long, Linda’s on a
roll: from trade winds to medieval his-
tory, Linda is slowly but surely blowing
the bus away with an encyclopaedic
knowledge of the island.
I can tell Linda is just getting start-
ed. The closer we get our first stop, the
more excited she becomes, reciting
endless dates, names and locations.
I know a challenge when I see one:
If Linda thinks she can drown me in
facts she has another thing coming.
I vow to record every ounce of info
Linda can deliver.
a great divide
When the bus pulls up to Þingvellir
the weather outside is miserable and
very Icelandic. Standing on the North
American viewing platform, we can’t
quite see the European side of the val-
ley. “Do you see the dark vertical lines
there?” Linda asks, pointing deep into
the fog. We don’t. A tall, red-nosed
Dane squints over the abyss. “It’s fas-
cinating being here at the edge of two
continents,” he says. He takes one look
around and hustles towards the dry-
ness of the tourist centre.
Back on the bus, Linda, that titan
of information, is pepper-spraying us
with more facts about fauna (mink and
reindeer) and flora (poplars and native
berries). My hand is sore and I have to
switch pens, but I’m keeping up.
a hell of a foss
Gullfoss is the most remarkable stop
of the tour: a mammoth glacial river
smashes and tumbles down two cas-
cades and shoots a wall of mist into
the sky. Gullfoss also makes a great
back drop for your ‘I went to Iceland’
picture. The sheer number of cameras
present quickly leads to a multimedia
showdown. It’s obviously time to go
when I see a boy taking a picture of a
woman taking a video of a man. I’m
slightly upset—Linda is nowhere in
sight and I start going through infor-
mation withdrawal.
“i’M gettin’ Wet”
Next stop is the Geysir and the weather
turns from bad to worse. We beeline
towards the largest Geysir, circle it like
a pack of wolves, ready our cameras
and wait. It’s raining hard and after a
few minutes of staring into the lifeless
hole everyone feels stupid.
A few more minutes go by and com-
plaints bubble up—a child to my left
pulls at his mother’s sleeve. There’s a
puddle in my shoe. A chubby Brit in
a red sweater announces, “I’m gettin’
wet,” but no one pays him any mind.
Everybody is getting wet.
With a hiccup the geyser erupts,
launching a foul-smelling column of
water into the sky. The crowd gasps,
scrambles for their cameras and snaps
away. Seconds later everyone is run-
ning toward the bus, dripping wet.
the death BloW
On the ride back to Reykjavík, Linda
delivers Icelandic odds and ends she
hasn’t had time to address: bore-hole
drilling, unexpected hot springs,
earthquake safety, and the wonders of
Icelandic horses—including a detailed
résumé of each of their 5 gaits. My eyes
settle on the fog outside.
I jerk myself awake: we’re down-
town and Linda isn’t on the micro-
phone anymore. I panic and grab my
notebook, f lipping to find the pages of
facts I’ve transcribed, to claim success.
This is what I find: a mysterious set of
percentages; a list of years I can’t make
sense of; the word ‘energy’ framed by
cartoon steam.
It’s an illegible heap of shit. There’s
even a stray pen mark across the page
I must’ve made as I fell asleep.
I exit the bus a failure. Linda looks
me straight in the eye and asks me if I
enjoyed the tour, her voice as chipper
as ever.
“I did” I mumble.
“Great,” she smiles, victory in her eyes.
Book your own Golden circle tour at www.icelandexcursions.is.
Trip provided by Iceland Excursions.
travel | The Golden Circle
Always best price online.
Various online-offers to all Air Iceland's destinations.
www.airiceland.is
websales@airiceland.is / tel. +354 570 3030 Contact Air Iceland or
travel agent for reservation.
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CONSTABLE POINT
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Michael ZelenKo
Michael ZelenKo
Battle of the Golden Circle
Or, ‘How I Tried to Keep Up with Linda, the Most Knowledgeable
Guide in Iceland’