Reykjavík Grapevine - 15.07.2016, Page 72

L I F E , T R AV E L & E N T E R TA I N M E N T I N I C E L A N D
Issue 10 × 2016
July 15 - July 28
www.grapevine.is
I'm considered a pleas-
ant person by most of the
people I know and have
worked with. Some would
even go so far as to say
I'm friendly. I'm relatively
polite, I don't argue with
strangers and I'm nice to
my neighbors. By most
standards I would say I'm
fairly well-behaved. I'm the passive-aggres-
sive type who agrees to disagree a lot of the
time just to avoid confrontation. When I'm
alone in my car, on the other hand, I turn into
another person.
••• ••• ••• •••
In traffic all my bottled annoyance and anger
spills out like they're in a chemistry lab dur-
ing an earthquake. The radio is very loud. I
scream with every song even if I don't know
the lyrics. I argue angrily with the radio hosts
and then I laugh like a lunatic when I surprise
myself with the foul language from my hell-
mouth.
••• ••• ••• •••
I threaten other drivers with rude hand ges-
tures. I roll my eyes and call them ugly names.
"Drive slower if you possibly can, old man-
toad, WHY AM I WATCHING YOU DYING?"
"NICE GORE-TEX SUPER TOURIST, YOU'RE
IN REYKJAVÍK, BUY YOURSELF SOME TASTE
WITH THE MONEY YOU SAVED WITH THE
HOMEMADE SANDWICHES YOU BROUGHT
TO ICELAND!" "WALK FASTER, GODDAMN
IT! NOT EVERYONE IS ON A VACATION YOU
KNOW!" "SO YOU'RE ON A BIKE, CONGRAT-
ULATIONS AND WIPE THE SMUGNESS OF
YOUR FACE WITH YOUR UGLY BUFF!"
••• ••• ••• •••
I didn't fully realize how odd this behavior
was until the other day, when I was driving
and talking on the phone with my friend on
speaker. When the conversation was over I
was trying to get into another lane. The other
drivers didn't let me in immediately so I began
cursing them loudly. "SO IS THIS THE SICK
LITTLE GAME YOU'RE PLAYING MOTHER-
FUCKER?" I went instantly quiet when I heard
a tiny little "hello?" from my friend whom I
had accidentally taken hostage in my crazy-
mobile by not hanging up. I felt like someone
had seen me for the monster that I really am
and wondered if I should go to a therapist or
just take the bus.
••• ••• ••• •••
SHARE: gpv.is/last
Lóa Hlín
Hjálmtýsdóttir
Driving Miss
Crazy
LAST
WORDS
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