Reykjavík Grapevine - 12.04.2019, Qupperneq 10

T EMPL A R A SUND 3 , 101 RE Y K JAV ÍK , T EL : 5711822, W W W.BERGSSON. IS
BREAKFAST FROM 7
LUNCH FROM 12
As the Icelandic Football Association
continued picking out altars on which to
store the Euro 2020 trophy in the great
hall, the team got to work on qualifying
for the finals of the tournament for the
second time running. Here’s what went
down.
The ashing of Andorra
The first step for Euro 2020 qualifica-
tion was a battle that has quickly become
known as “The Ashing of Andorra.” The
horde travelled to the tiny, half-full
Estadi Nacional—a 3,000 seater astro-
turf ground—to administer a forceful
2-0 thrashing. First, Birkir Bjarnason
bollocked a rebound into the net with his
demonic forehead; then, after misfir-
ing Alfreð Finnbogason blazed over,
his replacement—Viðar Örn Kjartans-
son—sealed the deal with a right-footed
second. As a rain of grey ash floated
down onto the battle-pocked pitch, the
victorious horde waded back to the long-
ship through the awful marais, sailing
towards Paris with revenge on their
minds.
French fiends sink
longship
The
n e x t
g a m e ,
h o w e v e r ,
p r o v e d t o b e a
different proposition. In
front of a 64,500-strong audi-
ence at the Stade de France, Iceland
turned in a robust first-half defensive
display, doggedly keep-
ing the world champs
at bay. Olivier Giroud,
Anton Griezmann and
Kylian Mbappe threw
everything but the
kitchen sink at the
shield wall, limping
in at half time with a
paltry single goal to
show for their efforts.
After the break, the
horde pressed forward,
fiery hearts set on pull-
ing the match back
from the brink. As they
mounted wave after wave of terrifying
charges, few were left behind to defend;
France capitalised on this fearless brav-
ery and dinked in a couple more. The
battle ended 4-0.
No pardon for Turkey
This leaves the Icelandic longship list-
ing and rolling at fourth place in a
tumultuous qualifying group, drawn on
points with Albania, who lead on goal
difference. The next two matches—
both to be played on the mossy turf of
Laugardalsvöllur—will prove decisive.
Only the top two in each group qualify
for the finals, so Iceland need to profit
from the home advantage and get some
points in the pillaging sack. The plan?
Our sources indicate that Albania will
be torn to shreds by a pack of starving
Arctic foxes on June 6th; then, the entire
Moldova team will be swallowed into the
belly of a volcano on July 9th. Between
these two: an epic crunch game against
Turkey on June 11th. A note: Iceland have
roasted Turkey on three of their last
four meetings. Yes. We. Can.
Warnock’s war of words
Granite-faced war horse Neil Warnock—
manager of Cardiff City—had some
choice words for the Icelandic Football
Association after these mighty clashes.
His team are torrid Premier League
stragglers, in grave danger of relegation
to the Football League this season. Talis-
manic midfield general Aron Gunnars-
son is off to seek gold and glory at Qatari
side Al-Arabi at the end of the season,
but Warnock flew into a rage about
him playing for Iceland whilst carrying
a slight injury niggle. "I just thought it
was pure selfishness,” he ranted, “and
I’m so disappointed in Iceland for doing
that." He should probably know by now
that Aron “The Annihilator” would play
for Iceland in a wheelchair if he was
allowed to.
Vikings run wild
In other parts of Europe, the horde have
been running wild and changing games.
“Golden boots” Gylfi scored to sink
Sarri’s sorry Chelsea;
Jóhann Berg scored
against insurgent
t i t l e c o n t e n d e r s
Liverpool in March,
and got Leicester’s
Harry Maguire sent
off in the fourth
minute for a desper-
ate, lunging tackle.
Alfreð Finnbogas-
on’s mighty injury
t ime str ike may
have been enough
to keep Augsburg
in the German Cup
were it not for a ham-fisted hand-
ball—resulting in a campaign-ending
penalty—from their shaky backline. All
in all? Icelanders are proving to be the
big-game players every team needs. But
we knew that already, didn’t we?
Follow our live-tweets on match-
days on Twitter at @rvkgrapevine.
Iceland's indomitable and unstop-
pable march to the Euro 2020 trophy
will continue throughout 2019, as
Aron, Gylfi, Jóhann Berg and the boys
smite their way through all the conti-
nents of the world, laying waste to
any team foolish enough to step into
their terrible path to glory.
#IcelandSmites
“As a rain of ash
floated down
onto the pitch,
the victorious
horde waded
back to the
longship.”
Cometh The Hour,
Cometh The
Smite
Iceland sail past Euro minnows Andorra,
but hit choppy waters in France
FOOTBALL
Words:
John Rogers
Illustration:
Lóa Hlín
Hjálmtýsdóttir
10 The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 05— 2019