65° - 01.09.1967, Blaðsíða 32

65° - 01.09.1967, Blaðsíða 32
which Earthlings are divided, and as a so far unsexed Jupiterian (Earthlings would call me a “brain”), I found this function extremely inter- esting in a scientific way. I shall deal with this later. From either side of this main box sprout long, thick feelers, ending, however, in the same five- bone paddle arrangements we have, but without the webbing. From beneath the main box descend two taper- ed columns, jointed halfway, which enables them to support themselves on end, so to speak, al- though they spend half their lives in a horizontal position as we do. (It is interesting to note that when reclining horizontally, earthlings such as my farmer, often emit unearthly sounds as well as engage in activities impossible for us Jupiter- ians but of considerable academic interest to such a duplicated Earthlings as I had become.) Atop the main box, or “body”, the appearance of which I have roughly described (though they are not all rough, as I discovered later), is a ball of bone filled with countless tubes, wires and liquids, and covered with an elastic skin material similar to our own, but being white, yellow, brown or black, depending on the individual rather than the glorious reds, blues and purples to which we are accustomed. Piercing this ball of bone are six openings. Two parallel ones in the front are fitted with devices for sight, and one on either side of the ball for the reception of sound. (These two func- tions are combined into a single function in our Jupiterian antenna, but Earthlings cannot be ex- pected to be as evolved as we.) Below their visual devices is an opening for smelling, disguised by a protuberance of bone and flesh. (This ugly feature is quite unnecessary on Jupiter, but on Earth there is a variety of things of interest to this function.) The most amazing opening, how- ever, is that at the lower part of the sphere. This opening is seldom closed -— if it were, it could hardly be noticed, except in the female of the species, in which case it is painted a luscious red color, quite familiar to us Jupiterians. This open- ing, as I was saying, is primarily to receive the fuel which makes Earthlings operational, and which is stoked three or more times a day, which is not surprising considering their gigantic size. (One gets use to the size after a while. It makes one feel more important, somehow, if such a thing is possible.) This opening is also used in another way, although I can hardly expect the Central Committee to believe it. One has to see it or re- search it in order to believe it. In this instance, in this other use of the mouth, as it is called, it is applied against the mouth of one of the opposite sex (I will discuss sex later in this report) and affords a curious pleasure to body, mind and spirit all at once. In this respect only have Earthlings managed to fuse several functions into one concerted — act, though this is not exactly the term I meant to use. To continue my account — some difficulty arose when Matthew took me to his dwelling for fuel stoking. (By now I had assimilated his anti- cipations regarding the ritual of fuel-stoking and had, through my IED button, provided myself with the means to ingest and dispose of fuel as Earthlings do, so I felt more at ease. I might add here that future earth explorers must be pre- pared for the fact that Earthlings require the names of strangers upon acquaintance. Since Matthew could not have understood Big Uls Glfck, I chose the name of Bill Smith — a name im- plying wealth and conformity — the attributes most valued on earth.) Matthew’s dwelling was typical, considering the species Earthling, but I felt uneasiness on seeing the farmer’s mate. Now is the time to explain that only two cate- gories exist among Earthlings. They are called “male” and “female”. The male is of harder more angular physique, speaks less than the female, and is inclined to flail other males with his paddle attachments, which are quite rocklike when flexed into balls. His primary activities seem to be as- serting his harder physique among other males and pursuing the female of the species in order to reproduce himself. The rest of his time is en- gaged in “thinking” — a process too hilariously unevolved to be discussed here. (To be frank, I do not believe the male earthling worthy of being so excessively reproduced as he seems to wish, but a duplicated-Earthling must always assume the Earthling attitudes in order to understand their philosophy, as they presume to call it. By impregnating one red cabbage once a year — its 30 65



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