65° - 01.09.1967, Qupperneq 33

size being sufficient to feed thousands of potential
breeders, we Jupiterians prove our superior ef-
ficiency in this way as well. That we are masters
of the Universe is fitting and desirable, but it
seems to me, as a result of my short visit to
Earth, that our remote-control system of repro-
duction, necessitated by our dissimilar but highly
evolved physical structure, might rob us of certain
— sensations — which Earthlings possess. I men-
tion this only in passing. )
The female of the species is roughly similar to
the male but in no way rough, except sometimes
in speech to males who are slightly different from
the common Earthling male. Myself, in fact. (In
biological communication between male and fe-
male — a communication which is hard to re-
search without actual participation — there are
certain patterns of behaviour with which I was
at first unfamiliar but which would have develop-
ed had I been allowed even one more hour on
Earth.)
The female of the species is softer to the touch
and eye than the male. Her scent is impossible to
describe, but had we all noses, her scent would
be found similar to that of the luscious purple
flowers which grow in the red ridges of Jupiter.
(It has since occurred to me that by contrast our
sturdy breeders carry with them a scent more
like that of the dust which covers most of our
planet, but this is all by the way.)
Another feature of Earthlings is hair. The fe-
males possess quantities of it flowing from the
tops of their heads. It is of a silken texture and
grown for protection. Ha-ha. (By this levity I
mean to emphasize that Earthlings have few
brains worth protecting. As evidence of further
misuse of their few advantages, it is interesting
to observe that the males, who claim to possess
the more valuabe brain, and hence should have
more need for its protection, cut their hair short.)
The hair colors of female Earthlings are un-
natural to our eyes — although I have been told
that redheads exist — but if one closes one eyes
while feeling this odd colored hair, the reaction
is not discomforting.
I see that I have diverged from my story of the
encounter with the farmer and his mate. I stated
that I felt some uneasiness on meeting the mate,
for having assimilated into myself the guise and
O
thinking of the farmer, a male, and being now in
contact with the older female of the species, I
was not sure I had correctly identified myself.
Jupiterians, as we know, are divided into four
categories: the non-sexual thinkers having mini-
mal bodies and consisting almost entirely of an-
tennae, the non-sexual laborers having vestigial
antennae but several extra rows of paddle-crawl-
ers and adequate bodies to support them, the
breeders, who by Earth standards might be called
females, and the Impregnators of the Red Cab-
bage, of which we have and need only a few.
You can imagine my confusion at this point.
I was bred to be primarily a thinker but with
sufficient body to execute my thoughts. On Jupi-
ter I typify the professional planetary explorer,
but am non-sexual in the Jupiterian and certainly
in the Earthly sense. I hope I am making myself
clear.
When I saw the farmer’s mate pouring the fuel
into containers and placing them on the surface
at which one stokes onesself, I still believed that
my physical identity on Earth ought to resemble
the farmer’s more than hers, but I was not cer-
tain. While concentrating on the essence of
Yankee farmer, therefore, I pressed my IED but-
ton to confirm identification, but it failed. I
hasten to say that it was not the fault of the IED
mechanism; I am sure it was the age of the
farmer which caused the IED current’s weak res-
ponse. At that moment, however, the female
young of the couple appeared — the farmer’s
daughter, and I discovered that my identity as
a duplicated Earthling male was now firmly estab-
lished. (My reasons for this astonishing certainty
do not enter into this report, having no academic
place. Also I hesitate to recount them until they
have been more thoroughly examined, and for
that I would need at least one more night on
Earth.)
Will the Planetary Exploration Committee
please note this and give me priority for further
Earth research? I repeat that it is vital that we
have adequate data and that since I have already
gained so much knowledge in this particular area
of Earthling behaviour, it would be a waste of
the Committee’s funds to send out an untried
Jupiterian who would have to begin at the begin-
ning- Continued, on page 34.
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